Funny Status Messages
Search Messages:
It's what people don't know about each other that makes them such good friends. 
the way to tell a woman is single and or not even dating...is how hairy their legs are
I do not understand how a phone that starts your car can be a selling point. If someone steals your phone, they not only have your car, but more than likely your facebook, which let's face it, is scarier than losing a car.
What I typed to text my wife: Getting BK (Burger King) now. What auto-correct on my iPhone tried to change it to: Getting BJ now. Thankfully I checked it before I hit send...
Once you lick frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
The Weird moment when somebody is cross-eyed and you dont know which eye to look at.
TMZ is reporting that OJ Simpson and Casey Anthony are now dating after finding out they have things in common on eharmony.com....
im not saying I'm a badass, but I do play the wii without the straps
I'm sad I'll never get to see the joy and confusion on some archeologist's face when, in a few thousand years, he tries to explain the "Shake Weight" ..
BoObs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
I met my perfect match on ePharmacy.com
I love doggie style as much as the next guy, but sometimes she's just too pretty to do from behind.
You find love when you're not looking for it, and you can't find it when you really want to. It's sh!t like this that makes me drink.
I'm not single, I'm in a long distance relationship with this girl who lives in my future.
Dear people who think Romeo and Juliet was a romantic love story.... It was a relationship between a 13 yr old and 17 yr old that lasted 3 days and resulted in 6 deaths.... Sincerely, Everyone that has actually read the story!
Ever been so tired at work that people thought you were drunk? I hope so because thats the only excuse I have for being drunk at work.
If you ever want someone to call you back, leave a message saying: "Hey! I've got extra tickets to"....and hang up. Works every time.
HOW LONG IS THIS DORITOS COMMERCIAL!? Grandma, that's just Jersey Shore...
If this burglar can avoid tripping & bashing his skull open while my cats circle his feet,,, I'll help him load my belongings into his car. 