santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon thinks Santa is a judgemental twat who bears a grudge. I've explained the Elves incident a hundred times now. So what if I was caught naked with one of his helpers in a cupboard, it was all an innocent mistake!
←Rate | 12-03-2009 03:10 by deithy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Santa, Don't bother coming to my house this year. I've been naughty and it was f*cking worth it, you judgemental son of a b*tch!
←Rate | 12-02-2009 20:33 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon ...just heard that Tampax is replacing the strings with tinsel this month. ...Ladies, get them soon, supplies only last for the the Christmas period!
←Rate | 12-02-2009 17:18 by Tim* Comments (0)  

   messageicon going to stick a mistletoe in my back pocket this XMAS, and anyone who doesn't like me can KISS MY ASS!!
←Rate | 12-02-2009 16:34 by raeanne Comments (0)  

   messageicon We're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f-ing Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white a$$ down that chimney tonight,he's going to see the jolliest bunch of a$$holes this side of the nuthouse!
←Rate | 12-02-2009 14:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kids brought home a flier from school yesterday asking how many would be attending the "holiday celebration" at school. My wife writes down 4, then crosses out "holiday celebration" and writes in CHRISTMAS PARTY! Just call her old school!
←Rate | 12-02-2009 12:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon heard that Christmas is being cancelled! Santa was beaten up by three black women after he walked down the street saying "Ho! Ho! Ho!"
←Rate | 12-02-2009 12:21 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon This Friday, the offical Christmas tree was delivered to the White House. Unfortunately, the Secret Service had already let in three other trees that claimed they were on the list.
←Rate | 12-02-2009 10:18 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know it was a good christmas party when the next morning you wake up with tinsel in your ass
←Rate | 12-02-2009 08:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everybody's broke, so here's the rule for Christmas this year; if you still sh*t your pants, you get a present. Otherwise tough sh*t.
←Rate | 12-02-2009 01:13 by GD Comments (0)  

   messageicon may not be Santa, but it doesnt mean he hasnt seen you while you're sleeping...
←Rate | 11-30-2009 15:56 by GeoffreyB Comments (0)  

   messageicon wake me up when is xmas over coz I cant afford buy any presents....
←Rate | 11-30-2009 12:12 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon wants a hippopotamus for Christmas.
←Rate | 11-30-2009 10:18 by GB Ward Comments (0)  

   messageicon Confucius says "Christmas trees are like priests...their balls are just for decoration"......
←Rate | 11-30-2009 08:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Erm, Dear Santa, let me explain... the money was only resting in my account, and that thing with the elves , I have destroyed the negatives so you can be rest assured I will not black mail you for any pressies this year, been a good run, 30 plus years...
←Rate | 11-29-2009 19:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon dear Santa, let me explain...
←Rate | 11-29-2009 15:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was wrapping Christmas presents for various people;17 to be exact. It wasn't until I placed the last present on top of the stack that I realized I didn't put gift tags on any of them. FML
←Rate | 11-29-2009 15:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This Christmas, let's put misteltoe in our back pockets so all the people who hate us can kiss our ass!
←Rate | 11-29-2009 08:46 by Mr. Craig Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..has Claustrophobia. She's afraid of Santa Clause.
←Rate | 11-27-2009 12:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In hindsight...maybe telling the whole family while we were pulling names for christmas grab bag that I was going to be getting into directing porn was not really the ideal time to do so....I did however draw Grandma Gertrude though!!!!
←Rate | 11-27-2009 00:39 by DS Comments (0)  

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