Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Do not accept a Friend Request from Lizzie Borden. You will get hacked.
←Rate | 10-09-2018 06:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Adulting fail #86: Turned on the wrong burner and have been cooking nothing for the last 20 minutes.
←Rate | 10-09-2018 06:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon there are two words in life that will open many doors for you: pull and push.
←Rate | 10-09-2018 04:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm trying to get my MIL to go ice fishing before the ice get too thick.
←Rate | 10-09-2018 02:40 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Flat Earthers are really good at making me feel smart
←Rate | 10-08-2018 22:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What makes Libby's think they will win the electoral votes in 2020 ..they hate it .. didn't bother them when Obama won it tho ..make yo dang minds up
←Rate | 10-08-2018 19:00 by Booger Comments (17)  

   messageicon If you receive a Friend Request from Hormel Foods, don't accept it. It might be Spam.
←Rate | 10-08-2018 18:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Time heals all wounds, so if your uninsured, get a watch!
←Rate | 10-08-2018 16:40 by KG Comments (0)  

   messageicon Are conservatives proud that they hate gays and do not support gay marriages?
←Rate | 10-08-2018 14:26 Comments (14)  

   messageicon I have nothing in common with people who have "left over" pain killers
←Rate | 10-08-2018 12:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hot singles in my area have heard about me and are moving to other areas
←Rate | 10-08-2018 11:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I am ever investigated by the F.B.I. , I hope my investigation last as long as the Kavanaugh investigation lasted.
←Rate | 10-08-2018 06:55 by IDTN Comments (1)  

   messageicon If you get a friend request from me...I have not been hacked, maybe I am just lonely and trying to be your friend a 2nd time.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 21:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My therapist told me to write letter to the people I hate and then burn them. OK. I did that, now what do I do with all these letters?
←Rate | 10-07-2018 20:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't you hate it when you think you see a good parking spot but then you turn the corner and Stuart f@&k!Ng little is parked there.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 18:11 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did I already post my Alzheimer's status?
←Rate | 10-07-2018 17:57 by KG Comments (0)  

   messageicon I didn't get the president's alert test tex, but I did get a tex, two big macs, fish filet, large fry, large diet coke.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 17:16 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon So, now that Conor no longer has a place in boxing and in the octagon, I heard WWE is hiring.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 13:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Unable to purchase McGregor`s Proper Twelve Whiskey from his website, says he is currently tapped out.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 13:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Straight guy definitely understand consent when a gay guy tries to touch him.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 13:36 Comments (0)  

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