Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My New Years resolution, to screw them before they screw me.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 15:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon t takes me about 15 hours to fully wake up in the morning
←Rate | 01-02-2019 10:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't always contradict myself but when I do I don't
←Rate | 01-02-2019 09:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My New Years resolution is to be more active. Sexually.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 09:40 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Show dominance on an airplane by calling the flight attendants bartenders.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 09:38 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  

   messageicon The sooner you give up on me, the easier this will be for both of us.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 09:34 Comments (2)  

   messageicon How the hell did we go from “Mexico will pay for the wall” to not paying government workers until the American Taxpayers pay for the wall?
←Rate | 01-02-2019 07:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I haven't failed, I just found several ways it won't work.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 06:34 by Joker Comments (1)  

   messageicon Make sure to put the letter "L" in the world clocks when you google grandfather clocks.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 05:55 by Joker Comments (1)  

   messageicon If "HE" were an indian, his name would be Talking Buttocks.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 04:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump is an inspiration to me that an unattractive man can get a wife.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 00:16 Comments (2)  

   messageicon May the Kool-Aid be strong with you.
←Rate | 01-01-2019 23:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a menu item costs a dollar, you give up all rights to complain about it, even if it has pubes in it...
←Rate | 01-01-2019 20:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm at the age where I don't party hard I party mildly.
←Rate | 01-01-2019 14:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just want to wish everyone a happy new year! case you missed the million posts before this one saying the same thing.
←Rate | 01-01-2019 13:50 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I call my pecker Whitesnake because here I go again on my own.
←Rate | 01-01-2019 13:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mom says hunnie your room is full of trash I be like mom my ex isn't here anymore
←Rate | 01-01-2019 01:20 by AquagenddèWilliams Comments (0)  

   messageicon The last place to celebrate the New Year's eve celebration is the tiny north pacific Island Midway Atoll with the population of about 60.
←Rate | 12-31-2018 23:45 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Southers New Year's tradition is to eat black eyed peas, hog jowls or ham hocks, and collard greens on New Year's .
←Rate | 12-31-2018 20:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Stock markets close out on worst year since 1931. Well, we did say we wanted to go back in time, to the good old days.
←Rate | 12-31-2018 20:31 Comments (0)  

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