JAKE Funny Status Messages



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Page: 7 of 15

   messageicon On the day that daylight saving time begins. Every husband should have sex with their wife at 1:55am this way the wife can't complain about it only lasting ten minutes
←Rate | 03-10-2018 21:16 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon After just winning a four month battle with my oven clock it's dayligit saving time and back to the battle.
←Rate | 03-10-2018 19:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Woman claim that they are good at multitasking. If so why can't they have sex and a headache at the same time
←Rate | 03-10-2018 17:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Easter is April 1st this year which is also April fool's day. So to celecrate both days together, I will be dyeing raw eggs this year.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 00:46 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon To keep the kids occupied all day on Easter, only hide 3 eggs for the Earter egg hunt.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 00:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon . My mother in-law is drowning, I've informed emergency services. Hope they get my letter in time to save her.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 01:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My son is really struggling with english in school. Nobody else in his class can speak it.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 01:17 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the teacher pointed her ruler at me and said their's an idiot at the end of this ruler. I said which end?
←Rate | 03-07-2018 23:38 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon When asked why he was wearing a tuxedo to his vasectomy. Tyrone said, well if I'm gona be impotent, I might as well look impotent.
←Rate | 03-06-2018 17:32 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I found out that the sperm bank paid for donations. I realised that I had let a fortune slip through my fingers.
←Rate | 03-05-2018 23:41 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roses are red, violets are blue. I've got five fingers, and just one is for you.
←Rate | 03-05-2018 23:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife is like a peach. She too has a hart of stone.
←Rate | 03-05-2018 13:49 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon I carry a picture of my wife in my wallet. It helps me remember why there is no money in it.
←Rate | 03-05-2018 13:47 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dog keeps chewing on my sofa and two arm chairs. I think he may have a suite tooth.
←Rate | 03-03-2018 21:18 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My fat friend has been hangging out at the gym. I told him that he needs to get some bigger shorts.
←Rate | 03-03-2018 20:55 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage? Because they are tired of using their own.
←Rate | 03-03-2018 00:57 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon AA meetings would be less boring if you could drink at them.
←Rate | 02-28-2018 17:32 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never repeat gossip. So you'll have to listen very carefully the first time.
←Rate | 02-28-2018 17:30 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
←Rate | 02-28-2018 17:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The reason you get paid more at a sperm bank than a blood bank is because the sperm is hand made.
←Rate | 02-27-2018 18:33 by Jake Comments (0)  


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