JAKE Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.
←Rate | 06-05-2018 22:58 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never knew I had so many aunts and uncles untill my parents separated.
←Rate | 06-05-2018 17:56 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's worse, women who want you to figure what's bothering them? Or the ones who tell you?
←Rate | 06-05-2018 13:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I finally reached the age where happy hour is taking a nap.
←Rate | 06-05-2018 13:48 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys don't appreciate being single untill they been married for awhile.
←Rate | 06-04-2018 16:11 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kids don't remember the things you tell them untill it's something you shouldn't of said.
←Rate | 06-04-2018 16:07 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he neverlands.
←Rate | 06-04-2018 15:07 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only president who didn't blame the previous administration for all his troubles was George Washington.
←Rate | 06-04-2018 14:20 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not saying that women walmart shoppers have bad teeth. But when the woman in line in front of me smiled. The barcode scanner rang up a set of sauce pans.
←Rate | 06-03-2018 23:42 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon Can of Crisco $3.95 Body pillow $12.95 Box of condoms $9.95 Look on cashier's face...... Priceless.
←Rate | 06-02-2018 17:00 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon How are condoms and cameras a like? They both capture that magical moment.
←Rate | 06-02-2018 16:31 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say if the palm of your hand itches, you're going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you've already got it.
←Rate | 06-01-2018 18:02 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went to a trendy night club. Doorman: "Sorry you can't come in you've had to many." Me: "I haven't been drinking." Doorman: "No not to many drinks........ To many Birthdays."
←Rate | 06-01-2018 15:44 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon . There's a book on The Cures for aches and pains by Dr. Artur Ritis
←Rate | 05-29-2018 20:27 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon Dear hefty girl Walmart shopper. It may feel like summer, but your shirt and shorts are way to small. You look like a half open can of biscuits.
←Rate | 05-29-2018 18:30 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon I like to stop the microwave with one second to go. It makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
←Rate | 05-28-2018 23:11 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon I pick up a copy of the new book The Long Walk Home by Miss. D. Bus.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 17:55 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you must be unappealing when a nymphomaniac just wants to be friends.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 14:56 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I watch football holding an X-Box controller just to confuse people.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 14:32 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My inflatable girlfriend takes my breath away.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 14:28 by Jake Comments (0)  




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