lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Santa must be a man. No woman would be caught dead wearing the same clothes every Christmas!
←Rate | 12-03-2009 19:16 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was thinking about becoming an atheist, but I thought screw it, you don't get any holidays.
←Rate | 12-04-2009 02:20 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon 99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
←Rate | 12-04-2009 19:27 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does a blonde have TGIF written on thier shoes? Toes Go In First.
←Rate | 12-04-2009 19:38 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just paid $200 to join the National Believers in Reincarnation Club. It cost alot but oh well,you only live once.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 04:48 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love cooking with wine. Sometimes,i'll even put it in my food.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 05:13 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the speed limit of sex? 68. Because at 69 you have to turn around.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 15:29 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many Susan Boyle's does it take to change a lightbulb? AGHHH, Turn it off, turn it off!!
←Rate | 12-06-2009 07:17 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon When life gives you melons... you know you're dyslexic.
←Rate | 12-06-2009 07:22 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon 90% of men like to masturbate. The other 10% don't have arms.
←Rate | 12-06-2009 17:03 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Found the Muffin Man on Facebook. If he accepts my Friend Request then I can tell my mates "Yes I DO know the Muffin man!". They'll be impressed.
←Rate | 12-06-2009 17:32 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can't remember the name of the last girl she slept with. It's on the tip of my tongue.
←Rate | 12-07-2009 07:00 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why don't the blind go skydiving? Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
←Rate | 12-07-2009 12:09 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual harassment. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $2.50 a minute.
←Rate | 12-07-2009 17:51 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Either my memory is getting shorter or the commercials are getting longer. Either way,by the time the shows back on,i've forgotten what I was watching!
←Rate | 12-07-2009 18:49 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon What are three words a man doesn't want to hear during sex? "Honey i'm home!"
←Rate | 12-08-2009 12:03 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon After reading that 'smoking caused cancer in laboratory rats and mice', I have decided to leave my cigarettes on a high shelf, where the rats and mice can't get them.
←Rate | 12-08-2009 16:32 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon At least Tiger Woods was being truthful when he told his wife every morning that he was off to play 18 holes.
←Rate | 12-08-2009 19:52 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our local pharmacy was robbed of 60 bottles of Viagara today. Police say the suspect is a hardened criminal.
←Rate | 12-09-2009 01:02 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon My first time doing stand up comedy was like losing my virginity: uncomfortable,awkward but I did get alot of laughs!
←Rate | 12-09-2009 07:58 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  




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