Aaron Funny Status Messages

   An auto-flush urinal made me feel insecure about my manhood by flushing while I was peeing, as if to say "nothing registers as being there."

   glad to hear the penicillin worked. Better luck next time..

   I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.

   It would be very helpful to me if the rest of you would please stop striving for excellence. Thanks!

   Like Superman, I have a Fortress of Solitude. But mine flushes.

   All you get when you pick my pocket is practice...

   It's time to do some stuff around the house. Sit around it... walk around it... lie around it...

   WHOA! Someone just explained to me that I don't get paid for updating my status. I'm going to miss you guys.

   I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.

   That's a nice suit. When did the clown die?

   I want to make sweet love to your face with my fist. Don't worry, I'll use protection. Wouldn't want my hand to get hurt.

   I don't know what my credit score is but I'm pretty sure I'm losing.

   I can stop a speeding bullet. Once.

   "I drive like lightening." "You drive fast?" "No. I hit trees."

   If it ain't broke, ask it for five dollars.

   Sure, I've got buns of steel. Just look in the breadbox.

   Note to self: I think we should see other people.

   You don't know what you've got until you visit your doctor.

   We celebrate Labor Day by not working. Which is kind of like celebrating Arbor Day by paving the backyard.

   Just caught my girlfreind in bed with my best friend. I threw her out, then grabbed him and shouted, "Bad Dog! Bad Dog!"