lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Life is like a game of cards. If you don't have a partner, you better have a good hand.
←Rate | 05-02-2010 13:27 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Keep smiling. But not to the point where people begin to think you're mentally unbalanced.
←Rate | 03-07-2010 03:27 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon The future of American women is being led by role models like Snooki, Lindsay Lohan, Nicki Minaj... you're totally screwed.
←Rate | 08-03-2010 05:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you believe the competitive spirit in America is dead, you haven't been in the supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line.
←Rate | 04-12-2010 17:59 by lemonpillow Comments (2)  

   messageicon I won't rest until I find a cure for insomnia.
←Rate | 05-17-2010 19:41 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..always finds it tempting to yell "EVERYBODY! DOWN ON THE FLOOR!" when she's waiting in line at her bank.
←Rate | 05-23-2010 07:31 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..thinks a toaster should give some sort of an indication when it's going to pop instead of scaring the crap out of me when it does!!
←Rate | 04-02-2010 13:49 by lemonpillow Comments (3)  

   messageicon While getting dressed this morning, I decided I have been spending waaaaay too much time on the computer, when I caught myself checking the lower right corner of my make-up mirror to see what time it was.
←Rate | 09-26-2010 08:35 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon This day is going so well..ill give it 10/10/10!
←Rate | 10-10-2010 12:38 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon My inability to use emoticons correctly is really getting me down :)
←Rate | 06-26-2010 14:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon money may not bring her happiness. But she'd rather cry in a Mercedes than in a bus.
←Rate | 11-23-2009 20:09 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..i got tired of the grass always being greener on the other side, so that's where I've been sending my dog to relieve herself.
←Rate | 01-26-2010 17:31 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm calling in blind this morning. I can't see myself going into work today.
←Rate | 11-30-2009 03:51 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yo momma's so fat that when she was cremated,all the flights in Europe got cancelled.
←Rate | 04-21-2010 09:41 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon likes saying YOU'RE WELCOME really loudly when people don't thank you.
←Rate | 09-17-2010 14:11 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't stand those interfering people who bang on your door and tell you how you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"? Damn firemen.
←Rate | 07-07-2010 14:14 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Love is a matter of chemistry,sex is a matter of physics.
←Rate | 12-09-2009 15:53 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
←Rate | 12-08-2010 14:12 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon In just two days, tomor­row will be yes­ter­day!
←Rate | 03-15-2010 15:07 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Internet Explorer - the best browser in the world for downloading Firefox.
←Rate | 02-02-2011 13:50 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

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