lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The future of American women is being led by role models like Snooki, Lindsay Lohan, Nicki Minaj... you're totally screwed.
←Rate | 08-03-2010 05:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you believe the competitive spirit in America is dead, you haven't been in the supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line.
←Rate | 04-12-2010 17:59 by lemonpillow Comments (2)  


   messageicon Procrastination has it's good side. You always have something to do tomorrow.
←Rate | 03-08-2010 15:20 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..always finds it tempting to yell "EVERYBODY! DOWN ON THE FLOOR!" when she's waiting in line at her bank.
←Rate | 05-23-2010 07:31 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon While getting dressed this morning, I decided I have been spending waaaaay too much time on the computer, when I caught myself checking the lower right corner of my make-up mirror to see what time it was.
←Rate | 09-26-2010 08:35 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon In just two days, tomor­row will be yes­ter­day!
←Rate | 03-15-2010 15:07 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..thinks a toaster should give some sort of an indication when it's going to pop instead of scaring the crap out of me when it does!!
←Rate | 04-02-2010 13:49 by lemonpillow Comments (3)  


   messageicon money may not bring her happiness. But she'd rather cry in a Mercedes than in a bus.
←Rate | 11-23-2009 20:09 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..i got tired of the grass always being greener on the other side, so that's where I've been sending my dog to relieve herself.
←Rate | 01-26-2010 17:31 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon likes saying YOU'RE WELCOME really loudly when people don't thank you.
←Rate | 09-17-2010 14:11 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't stand those interfering people who bang on your door and tell you how you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"? Damn firemen.
←Rate | 07-07-2010 14:14 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love is a matter of chemistry,sex is a matter of physics.
←Rate | 12-09-2009 15:53 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well,today was a total waste of makeup.
←Rate | 02-25-2010 07:48 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
←Rate | 12-08-2010 14:12 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Internet Explorer - the best browser in the world for downloading Firefox.
←Rate | 02-02-2011 13:50 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I met a girl in a pub last night.We ended up going back to hers.After a few more drinks, we started kissing & having a bit of foreplay on the sofa.She looked at me and said, "Let's take this upstairs."I said,"Okay you grab one end and I'll grab the other.
←Rate | 07-27-2010 19:02 by lemonpillow Comments (2)  


   messageicon Skilled workers are hard to find. That's why idiots are promoted to management.
←Rate | 04-20-2010 03:38 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was shopping with my little niece. She asked if we could go to McDonalds. I joked "If you can spell it,we will go there." She then replied "Nevermind. Let's go to KFC instead."
←Rate | 11-06-2009 07:41 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I tried saying no to vodka, but it was 40% stronger than me.
←Rate | 07-03-2010 08:25 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I die, I want to be buried with a ring of toasters surrounding me. That way, when Archaeologists dig me up in 1,000 years they'll say "Ohh she must have been important!"
←Rate | 08-17-2010 12:47 by lemonpillow Comments (13)  




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