Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My anti-aging face cream gave me acne. No need to go that young, L'Oreal.
←Rate | 08-31-2010 13:35 by lemonpillow Comments (6)  


   messageicon Sociologists say San Francisco's birth rate is projected to decline sharply in the next decade. I'm actually rather surprised San Francisco has a birth rate.
←Rate | 12-12-2010 12:02 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why did the chicken cross the road? It was trying to get a signal on it's IPhone 4.
←Rate | 06-27-2010 09:41 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..i think Facebook needs a "Yes I Like Your Status And Have Commented On It ... But I Don't Want To Know When Everyone Else F*cking Does!" button
←Rate | 09-22-2010 17:14 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon At a recent job interview: What would you consider to be your main weaknesses and strengths? Well my main weakness would be my issues with reality, telling what's real from what's not.And your strengths? I'm Batman.
←Rate | 10-13-2010 13:27 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is like a game of cards. If you don't have a partner, you better have a good hand.
←Rate | 05-02-2010 13:27 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep smiling. But not to the point where people begin to think you're mentally unbalanced.
←Rate | 03-07-2010 03:27 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The future of American women is being led by role models like Snooki, Lindsay Lohan, Nicki Minaj... you're totally screwed.
←Rate | 08-03-2010 05:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you believe the competitive spirit in America is dead, you haven't been in the supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line.
←Rate | 04-12-2010 17:59 by lemonpillow Comments (2)  


   messageicon ..thinks a toaster should give some sort of an indication when it's going to pop instead of scaring the crap out of me when it does!!
←Rate | 04-02-2010 13:49 by lemonpillow Comments (3)  


   messageicon We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colours. But they all have to learn to live in the same box.
←Rate | 04-11-2010 12:46 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I won't rest until I find a cure for insomnia.
←Rate | 05-17-2010 19:41 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..always finds it tempting to yell "EVERYBODY! DOWN ON THE FLOOR!" when she's waiting in line at her bank.
←Rate | 05-23-2010 07:31 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon While getting dressed this morning, I decided I have been spending waaaaay too much time on the computer, when I caught myself checking the lower right corner of my make-up mirror to see what time it was.
←Rate | 09-26-2010 08:35 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon money may not bring her happiness. But she'd rather cry in a Mercedes than in a bus.
←Rate | 11-23-2009 20:09 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon This day is going so well..ill give it 10/10/10!
←Rate | 10-10-2010 12:38 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon My inability to use emoticons correctly is really getting me down :)
←Rate | 06-26-2010 14:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..i got tired of the grass always being greener on the other side, so that's where I've been sending my dog to relieve herself.
←Rate | 01-26-2010 17:31 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm calling in blind this morning. I can't see myself going into work today.
←Rate | 11-30-2009 03:51 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why did the chicken cross the roa... *thump*thump* Nevermind.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 02:20 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  



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