Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I got a job sketching suspects at the police station. I'm a con artist!

   Technology will facilitate deception, domination, and surveillance too big to fail. The tentacles of the Squid Game now include the blood in our veins.

   Cheer up! Someone somewhere is thinking about me naked.

   I remember the last gal I picked up from the bar.... not a beauty but not ugly either. I mean she was covered with ten foot pole marks....

   Man rule: Plastic water bottles must be crushed prior to disposing.

   It's so strange to think before Facebook, all this nonsense just stayed in people's heads.

   The imbecile underneath this couldn't come up with a clever retort, so he stood on my shoulders and a f00l of himself in the process.

   Octopuses originated in Scotland. They came from bagpipes.

   I am content to see the end of what was the empire called the US of A. Every empire comes to an end, typically at the hands of the insane from within. The US of A had its time. It's now time to end it.

   ScaryKoenig and his mum. Took turns licking grandpa's bum. When they're done with all their fun. Gary licks his grandmum's c~m.

   The jig is up. A double entendre meaning the niqqer is se#ually aroused.

   I WENT AND PUT MY SYMPTOMS ON WEB MD. TURN OUT I HAVE GARY BUSEY DISEASE .

   One more! Walmart just took a dump all over the M*G* losers by announcing over $6 billion in investments in Mexico this year — despite Trump's promise that his tariffs would force companies back to the US. Hardy har har har 😂

   Pikachu puked all over my grandmother

   Have you ever used the bathroom and pushed so hard you reset your back.

   wow, TᕼE ᗩᖇT Oᖴ TᕼE ᗪEᗩᒪ

   Not funny... We sprung forward so hard we are back in winter!

   Bike week is near. Vrooom.

   Walmart Mexico is investing 6 billion in Mexico. The USA has nothing to do with it other than making a profit off of Walmart Mexico.

   I had a nightmare about Peppa Pig. The dad told his family that he got a new job with Oscar Mayer Bacon. 🥓🥓