santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Nothing says to a robber, "I have brand new never before opened electronics piled up in my living room." Like a Christmas tree.

   I'm collecting every toy that the neighbors kid throws in my yard, I already have tons of Christmas presents for my nieces and nephews this year!

   Why is "Children in need" always towards christmas time? Having to give gifts to the kids I already know is hard enough, but I have worked it out, their more happy with an empty box then the gift...

   My parents accused me of being a liar. So I looked them straight in the eye and said "Tooth Fairy, Santa Clause, Easter Bunny." And walked away like a boss

   I didn't sleep very well last night. everybody's going to get a shamwow and pajama jeans for christmas. damn you infomercials!!!!

   Christmas is my favorite four months of the year.

   Congrats on ur Bar Mitzvah. Today you r a man, which you'll now illustrate by going apes*** over presents.

   4 out of 5 bubble baths result in Santa Claus beards.

   I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up. They have no holidays.

   I predict that if, by 21 December 2012, the world doesn't end, I'll still have to buy christmas gifts..

   ‎5 reasons hurricanes are like Christmas...5) Family & friends out-of state-calling you 4) Last minute shopping in crowded stores 3) Days off from work 2) Candles 1) And at some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!

   My girlfriend called me sad because I always plan things months in advance. That's her off my Christmas card list!

   Manager: A room with double bed? But sir you are alone? Santa: Yes, It is just that I wish to enjoy the silence from the other bed.

   I've just popped down with my floral tribute to Amy Winehouse, last years Xmas tree. It's the perfect tribute, 5 & a half feet, dead & surrounded by needles.

   172 days, 1 hour and 25 minutes until christmas! But hey, whos counting

   Just filled up my gas tank and now I have to explain to the kids I don't have why there won't be a Christmas this year.

   I'm pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.

   Dear my money tree, why must thou look like the charlie brown christmas tree?

   You might as well do your Christmas hinting early...

   Due to public service cutbacks, the Rapture is simply going to be based on Santa's Naughty/Nice List.