Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
For everyone out there struggling with self-worth, just know that there are people out there that care. It sure as hell isn't me, but someone does. 
Remember when teachers used to say, "You won't have a calculator everywhere you go?" Well, we showed them.
Welcome to Facebook. Please be patient - someone will disagree with you shortly.
A person who wastes your time is called a clock sucker.
You would think that after 8 years of yelling at her dog, my neighbour would have learned that the dog doesn’t understand English. Try Spanish, you imbecile.
It's beginning to feel a lot like, I'm gonna start wishing it was summer.
It takes a very special idiot to drive the worlds largest economy off a cliff in 7 weeks
I had to fire my fruit delivery driver. I felt bad for letting the mango but he was driving me bananas.
The Sopranos would've been better without Carmela, Carmela's parents, Meadow, Meadow's friends and Jean Cusamano.
Just got another text from my ex-wife saying "wish you were here" she does this every time she walks pass a cemetery
Right and wrong are not for sure The castle made of sand will fall One thing is certain Heart and heart
I was watching a TV Show about the Top Ten ways to avoid a shark attacking. I'm surprised "stay out of the water" wasn't one of them.
Why do they keep interrupting the commercials with a football game
Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that..
Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of whiteout.... I woke up this morning with a huge correction.
Will this raise the price on a Chinese massage parlor
If Pope Francis reappears in 3 days, I don't know what to tell you.
Come on be funny again
I really hope my life doesn't flash before my eyes when I pass away. There are some things I'd rather not see again.
CUSTOMER SERVICE NEEDED IN THE LIQUOR DEPARTMENT -My husband: please stop yelling that from the couch 