Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6298 of 6369
My new SUV has a button " rear wiper"..I'm afraid to push it.....
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11-03-2022 14:37
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I'm so single, I'm chasing myself around the house playing hard to get!!!
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11-03-2022 14:39
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coworker suggested I drink fewer than six energy drinks so I tossed him through the break room like a discus
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11-04-2022 05:46
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Seriously though, how do Gremlins know when it’s after midnight?
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11-04-2022 05:50
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PRO TIP: leave the oven on at all times in order to avoid the hassle of pre-heating
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11-04-2022 05:53
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Ask your doctor if your dominant hand is right for you
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11-04-2022 05:54
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The kids were being so annoying at bedtime last night, I threatened to take them back in time and put them to bed early.
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11-04-2022 05:56
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Chicken salad is just like regular salad except, it’s afraid of the dark.
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11-04-2022 05:57
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there a way to ask for extra ranch dressing by not sounding fat?
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11-04-2022 06:09
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An 83-year-old male prostitute was arrested in New Jersey over the weekend. Police say he only charged $20 an hour, but for most of that time, he just talked about his grandkids.
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11-04-2022 06:13
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Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even? thanks
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11-04-2022 06:14
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I predict Peppermint Patty invites herself and her friends over to Charlie Brown's for Thanksgiving again this year.
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11-04-2022 06:20
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I never got the cat spayed but we did have ‘The Sex Talk.’
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11-04-2022 09:31
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If you think cow farts are making hurricanes stronger, you might be watching to much CNN.
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11-04-2022 17:47 by Bigjhaire
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Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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11-04-2022 20:42
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How am I supposed to explain Daylight Savings Time to my neighbors dog?
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11-04-2022 20:42 by JCGJ
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I swear I can feel my brain buffering.
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11-04-2022 20:53 by JCGJ
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So musk owns twitter. Does that mean a Tesla will tweet where you parked?
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11-05-2022 01:08
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Every time there's a massive Powerball jackpot I'm a winner, by not playing and saving $2.
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11-05-2022 06:54
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The kids keep laughing about my memory. they won't be laughing to long when there's no eggs under the tree.
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11-05-2022 07:07
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