Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Governments easing mask restrictions but bad breath still out there knocking people dead 
dotn dirnk and udpate Fistbook statass!
Got the results of my history exam. Past.
He had nine days in the desert, why didn’t he take the time to name the horse??
You know growing up I could tell who had money and who didn't. People with money had Tupperware people without money had butter containers.. We used butter and cool whip containers
The kids keep laughing about my memory. they won't be laughing to long when there's no eggs under the tree.
sandalwood what a man gets if he’s unusually turned on by a pair of his own open-toed shoes?
if sunflower oil is made of sunflowers and vegetable oil is made of vegetables, whats baby oil made of?
You can fear God all you like. Me, on the other hand, will be friends with God.
Whenever I see a Facebook profile shared by a man and woman, I wonder which of the two has the the tightest vajayjay.
I’ve decided to raise my kids gender neutral. Not because I’m embracing any LGBTLMNOP agenda but more because I like buying stuff on sale.
When I was a kid, the term "gaslighting" didn't involve playing mind games. It involved a Bic lighter and farting.
Which vaccine is the one with extra microchips in it? Cuz I wanna be able to control my appliances with my mind.
Happy birthday to Kmart. And as always, thank you for the awesome suits.
Every time there's a massive Powerball jackpot I'm a winner, by not playing and saving $2.
The reason why hurricanes are normally named after women is because when they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car.
Pfizer Claims Its Covid Vaccine Effective Against Nuclear Reaction Too.
I went into business with my parents and siblings. Our tagine is "Dysfunctional Family Owned and Operated."
Billionaires: Don’t call us “billionaires” call us “people of means” also this hot tub water’s getting a bit too warm why are you adding carrots and potatoes
Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors’ house, they’re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea. 