Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron woman? One's a super hero and the other is a simple command.

   Some people must go through an awful lot of soap, having to wash 2 faces and all .

   A man's home is his castle. UNTIL the queen comes home.

   Give your tweets a CB radio feel by adding the word, over at the end. Over.

   If you think your job is pointless, remember: There are people in Germany installing turn signals on BMWs.

   And in Technology news, even though 2022 was expected, Apple has announced the coming year will only be 2021s.

   Kevin Spacy is innocent. He was framed by Kaiser Soze.

   The Dow Jones is way down. Yay, I'm so happy!

   If tomatoes are considered fruits, isn’t ketchup a smoothie?

   Doctor: I’ve increased the dosage of your medication Me: Why am I not surprised Doctor: That’s one of the side effects of the medication

   Another Monday. Aw, man. I don't know if I can do this. (Just practicing.)

   Better and more accurate than any dating site: Ask her if she's on Will Smith or Chris Rock's side. If she says Will Smith, run away as fast as you can.

   there hasnt been a status with more upvotes then downvotes since 8-18 aka 75 days ago

   It wasn't the Grinch that stole Christmas. It was the power bill, the gas bill, the water bill, the phone bill, rent, insurance, car payment, not to mention grocery prices.

   Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day but teach a man to phish and he will steal your social security # so click here to verify your account.

   Galileo Galilei (1564-1642) played a major role in the scientific revolution even though he was such a poor boy and nobody loved him.

   If someone tells you you’re cute, ask them to name 3 other people they find cute so that you can react appropriately.

   A leopard can drag something half its weight up a tree. A cougar can drag someone half her age into bed.

   I don't know how to act my age, I've never been this old before.

   It’s always “Why aren’t you married yet?” And never “I have an old rich friend on the verge of death I’d like to introduce you to.”