Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A candy that starts off sour and then gets sweet?... Wow that sums up my girlfriend..

   wants all his friends to know that your "save the endangered chipmunks or whatever" petition with 5000 signatures stops in my Inbox. You will never see your precious little email again!

   ... Shut Up ... The World Won't End in 2012.

   can't believe he was snubbed again this year for "Sexiest Man Alive" title...Damn you Johnny Depp.

   watching you change! P.S(you don't look that great naked)

   a godfather, that's a great thing to be,He calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught him that.

   I didn't get a toy train for xmas like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by

   put a leopard in a headlock. You now refer to this animal as the giraffe

   it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that you don't add your boss on facebook and then post "Wow my boss' wife cooks a mean casserole" after you call in sick

   happier than Richard Simmons running backwards through a cornfield!

   Twitter: Its just like being stranded on a "lonely" island and writing a small, meaningless message to be put in a bottle and thrown out to sea hoping somebody will write you back.

   Here's a question: You ever wonder how many REAL friends you had before the whole Facebook, Myspace, & Twitter thing came into existence?.......You're wondering now.

   dont take a sleeping pill and a laxative before bed...

   You boys stay off of my yard, there's no damn milkshakes there!

   loves when people say "I tell it like it is." Really? How about you tell it like it isn't just to shake things up a bit?

   its been proven that 6 out of 7 dwarfs arn't happy

   becames friends with the Pillsbury Doughboy just so I could poke him.

   I wonder if the The Pillsbury Doughboy gets pissed if you poke him on Facebook?

   Never play leapfrog with a unicorn!

   thinks facebook should let you know when someone unfriends you so you can send them evil thoughts. their way.