Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   pu ton your yalmulka, here comes hanukkah, it's so funukkah to celebrate hanukkah!

   wishes the government would take pennies out of circulation already. Giving you my 2 cents everytime you've said or done something stupid has left me broke. Glad you're rich though.

   Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

   reportedly "in a relationship" with tiger woods.......

   Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean (against tables,chairs,etc).

   just bought a new game for my x box, its about a black man who drives around crashing cars sleeping with hoes and fighting with people, its called tiger woods PGA tour 2010

   Why is it you can smoke in a tobacco store, but can't drink in a liquor store?

   and they all laughed at my snuggie! who's the cold fool now?

   Dear Winter, I think we should spend some time apart... I'm gonna try to work things out with my ex, Summer...

   enough about Tiger Woods already!!! who cares he cheated on his wife. Cheating goes on everywhere!!!! who else is tired about hearing of it? Letterman didnt even get this kind of coverage when he did it.

   Why would a girl wanna be a Barbie? Barbie's are fake and dumb, yes DUMB. I'll take a natural woman any day thank you.

   Police Station toilet stolen. Cops have nothing to go on.

   just found out the difference between kinky and erotic..erotic was the use of the feather..kinky was the whole damn chicken

   going to build an ark for the events thats going to happen on 21/12/2012, I can take the 1st 100 people, Early Bird Tickets come on sale 21/12/2011, make me an offer before you miss out

   first we had mad cow disease, then we had bird flu, now we have swine flu, O.M.F.G it's FARMAGGEDON

   "Free at Last!! Free at Last!! Thank God Almighty it's Friday!!!!"

   if only life came with ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP ►► FF...buttons.

   a procrastinator... ehh i'll finish this post later

   ...back in the 80's my mom would scold me and say "Don't use that tone of voice with me young lady!"....I just texted my 15-year old son and said "Don't use exclamation points with me Mister!"...my have times changed!

   thinking about an Apple sporting goods store: iBalls