Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6223 of 6370
this status has been blocked by your manditory internet censorship filter for your own good.
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12-16-2009 07:04
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is upset that facebook won't let him start a relationship with himself
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12-15-2009 23:46 by Yaj
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Man is it cold outside...just want to give a shout out to whoever invented the padded bra...THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!
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12-15-2009 23:37
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In an ideal world I would have all ten fingers on my left hand so my right hand could just me a fist for punching.
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12-15-2009 23:27 by joe fool
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not only is band not a sport, it's just stupid. honestly. I want to watch football not freaks dressed up in some of the gayest costumes ever prance around the field
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12-15-2009 23:18 by joe fool
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Better to be bad and remembered than be good and forgot
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12-15-2009 23:00
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some balls are held for charity and some for fancy dress but when they're held for pleasure, their the balls that I like the best
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12-15-2009 20:56
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.”
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12-15-2009 19:48
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on an important conference call. I guess I should be listening but my farms need tending dammit!
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12-15-2009 18:26
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certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys!
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12-15-2009 17:56
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contemplating doing a combination of christmas and easter, wrap the gifts, then hide them all over the house, voila...Christer!!!
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12-15-2009 17:40 by ANGELA
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thankful for my mistakes for they have been my greatest teachers.
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12-15-2009 17:31 by Igor
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apologizes for sounding insensitive, but that "Christmas Shoes" song just plain sucks.
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12-15-2009 17:10
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school and life are similar in a way. In school, you learn a lesson and then take a test. In life, you come across a test that teaches you a lesson.
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12-15-2009 16:52 by J Dubb
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may not be suitable for young adults
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12-15-2009 16:50 by J Dubb
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DID YOU KNOW......The tallest mountain on earth is under the ocean: Mauna Kea in Hawaii is 10,200 metres (33,465 ft) high. Mount Everest is 8,848 metres (29,029 ft) high.
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12-15-2009 16:15
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DID YOU KNOW........Summer on Uranus lasts for 21 years - but so does winter.
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12-15-2009 14:53
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stopped by a man in the street who asked... "Excuse me... can you tell me the quickest way to get to the hospital" I replied..... "Yeah..... just call me a name"
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12-15-2009 14:06
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Well I just bought another load of laundry and a few things to dust for Christmas... I hope my family and friends enjoy a little extra work... You're welcome...That's just how I roll...
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12-15-2009 14:03
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How can you tell a woman is having a bad day?? she has a tampon behind her ear and cant find her cigarette