Funny Status Messages

   I don't know much about art, but my favorite pictures have a man’s junk drawn on them...

   if Satruday is Small Business Saturday, then black Friday is Fortune 500 Friday!!

   How do you get high on life? That would save me a ton of money on street drugs. Answer: intelligence, 'independency', and a good luck accompanying with lots of money!

   yes is official- Kanye West has lost his mind!!..he has named his daughter...what for it......NORTH.

   The ingrediant that mixes with sugar, spice, and everything nice to make little girls that can kick some ass.

   : It's hard to fight the things we are afraid of. Sometimes we just need a little help.

   I make PMS jokes around women all the time just to know what it feels like to live dangerously.

   Facebook, cos nothing reassures yourself more than seeing how the other half live

   Iran has threatened to sue the filmmakers who made the Academy award winning movie “ARGO,” over their portrayal of Iran in the movie. What's Next? The Irish sue because "SHREK" made them look like Ogres?..... "DONKEY !!!"

   My brackets perfect so far, I fill it out after every game.

   first rule of fight club is no fighting. welcome to contradicton club everyone have a seat and dont have a seat. also this isnt contradicton club

   I imagine homeless people aren't the biggest fans of little dogs wearing sweaters.

   I had my ex for dinner to discuss some things and she told me the dinner was amazing. Little did she know my tears seasoned that steak.

   Life is like an ice-cream - enjoy it before it melts.

   ..... the next event on the Olympics calender is the unsynchronized FLAG & COUNTRY competition ...

   Its amazing that we as people get curious and it cost a lot of money we just say "nah... its not worth it" but when the government gets "Curiosity" They spend billions on it.

   Jo I hate it when tramps sit next to cash machines and ask you for change, cash machines only give out notes. If you want change, go sit next to a pay phone!

   The processor in my smart phone is 120,000,000 times faster than the computer aboard Apollo 11. They went to the moon, I play Clash of Clans and watch videos of funny cats flushing toilets.

   The Gazpacho Police sounds tasty.

   Only virgins, with no chance of ever getting a girl, believes in conspiracy theories.