santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Last year I asked santa for the sexiest person ever and I woke up in a box

   Got all my Christmas gifts bought early this year, hope everyone likes Halloween costumes-

   Pro tip: If you really want to freak people out wear a Santa Claus suit as your Halloween

   When you order your coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is "Merry Christmas"

   I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays

   My Christmas shopping will be financed by my swear jar again this year.

   Will World War III begin before or after Christmas? Because I don't want to buy presents for nothing.

   Who are you to doubt God? And Santa Claus? And the Easter Bunny? And...

   ***LATEST SOCIAL MEDIA GAME~~~ Inbox me your Bank Account or Credit Card number (be sure to give me the expiration date and 3 digit security code) and I will post in my status which bill or Christmas gift I used it for. Let's play!!!

   In 2015, if you're dreaming of a white Christmas, you're a racist.

   you know your not much of a Christmas shopper anymore, when your still using some of the same wrapping paper you had 3 years ago . 🎁 🎁🎁 🎁

   *looks at calendar*.. *looks at stomach*. *looks at calendar*.. Guess I'm telling people I'm pregnant again this Christmas.

   Sorry can't... Watching "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and taking copious notes.

   2016 New Year's resolution: Tell your wife/girlfriend (or both) that every time they give you a BJ, you are going to put a dollar in an envelope. At the end of the year, you will use that money to buy her 2016 Christmas gift. More money = Nicer gift.

   Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa's lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.

   If one of Santa's helpers takes a picture of himself with his cell phone, is it called an "elfie"?

   One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a little sister to play with." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Sure, send me your mom and wait about 9 months."

   Don't look now, but your Secret Santa is watching you!

   My son just saw Willie Nelson on TV and called him Santa... Hmmm I guess we need to watch more Christmas movies.

   Every Christmas I give my co-workers a card with a picture of my middle finger inside.