Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   it possible to be in two places at twice?

   When a man talks dirty 2 a women, its sexual harassment when a women talks dirty 2 a man, its $3.95 a minute!

   We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse..

   soo old that he knew the Dead Sea when it was ill

   ..is so blonde,she thought a thesaurus was a dinosaur.

   if Osama Bin Laden played Call of Duty, he would be the best camper.

   If Bono ,Julia Roberts and the rest of those billionare bozos care so much then why not sell one of your mansions or private jets and give it to charity. But those elitists gotta beg the hard-working Americans to give what we don't have, now get off my tv

   Makeup can make you look pretty on the outside. But it doesn't help if you're ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the makeup.

   How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows. They never keep the house.

   supporting Tiger Wood's habits by buying the last of his discontinued Gatorade.

   workin' hard all week to put beer on the table.

   Women are Angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly . . . on a broomstick. We're flexible that way.

   Good girls go to heaven , Bad girls go everywhere!

   the best times to have a breakup...christmas, valentines and her birthday

   has been invited to go out tonight, but I'm a little scared...if a girl spends more then $200.00 on me...should I let her go past 2nd base???

   you know its sad when your mother is on facebook and guys younger than you are poking her.

   doesn't believe in superstitions....it's bad luck!!

   Televangelist Pat Robertson said the earthquake in Haiti happened because they made a pact with the devil to get rid of the French in the Haitian Revolution. Pat, please. You don't need a pact with the devil to bead the French.

   I Dont Even Tell Myself What To Do! So What Gives You The Right Too!!

   Facebook: the only book teens read these days.