Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If there are kids singing Christmas carols outside, is it rude to open the door and throw beer cans at them? Because I just did that.

   I hate when the Doctor asks awkward questions. "Are you sexually active?" Depends on what you mean by "active". There are plenty of "active" volcanoes that haven't gone off in over 50 years.

   » Developer in Progress » DiscordJS, Java

   I went to the party store to buy a balloon and it was $3.25. When I was a kid that would’ve been a quarter at most. Then I realized… I guess that due to the cost of inflation

   No thanks. Jingle all the way sounds exhausting

   Elton John is to release a charity record for victims of the Kentucky tornado disaster! "Candles In The Wind"

   Kentucky Fried Tornado

   My right-wing views brings all the Proud Boys to my yard, and they're like, it's better than yours, damn right, it's better than yours, I can teach you but I have to charge.

   you guys ever wonder who'd win that battle of the bands thing if they took the word 'battle' seriously

   Nothing says Christmas in the South like cranking up the air conditioner while waiting for the tornado warning. . .

   As a certain first lady would say, merry kressmas everyone.

   I envision a country without violence, without guns or bombs, where everybody lives in peace. And then we could invade that country and take it for ourselves.

   I've never seen anyone walking around wearing a Build Back Better hat.

   Also, never seen anyone wear a "build back better" shirt, or bombard their cars with bumper stickers. Or bombard their homes with flags. But, that's what you would expect from the non- psychotic people.

   Non-psychotic people don't wear "Build Back Better" paraphernalia, they loot, burn and kill.

   I never understood why religion would be an excuse not to get vaccinated. I never recall God ever saying "Thou shall not be vaccinated by thy doctors".

   Also, psychotic people wear red hats while participating in the January 6th insurrection.

   No one wears 'Build Back Better' swag out of pride.

   what does a fella have to do to get a beautiful girl to come home with him and check him to tumors. I just wanna be safe!

   If your kids keep finding the presents you've hidden, put them in the attic. Don't forget to feed them while they're up there.