Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just pulled on a nose hair and one of my pubes disappeared.

   Has lost my mood ring, and I don’t know how it feels.

   Sold my homing pigeon 142 times last year on eBay.

   In China, forklifts are called chop-stick lifts.

   Not sure how people will react when they find out I'm actually a robot.

   Sorry I slapped you, didn't seem like you would stop talking so I panicked.

   You know how they throw the ball into the crowd after they win the game? That's not allowed in bowling. I know that now.

   Facebook went down on millions of users and all I can say is, You Whore!

   Looks like facebook put itself in facebook jail

   Today on the History Channel: The world went crazy because...social media went missing for a few hours and they ended up getting work done...watch the devastating 5 part series saga

   This is what happens when you order a president through the mail.

   Facebook stopped working so some of y’all can get on Indeed.

   The wall should have been built before the pilgrims came to this land.

   Because of Facebook, I paid my internet bill early.

   Hopefully, if there's any justice in the world, Zuckerberg will be seeing some jail time. What goes around, comes around, eh Zuck?

   that's pathetic: that the iphone 13 is identical to it's previous models but only give us a better battery life. Sad part is people fall for apple laziness

   Facebook was removed for violating Facebook community standards.

   You’d think people would be more understanding it’s my first day as a tattoo artist.

   Ever have one of those days where you pull a leaf off a tree branch and the whole tree falls on you , that's me today

   The first time I ever removed my clothes in front of a woman, she smiled and said it reminded her of an old song. "I asked, "Let It All Hang Out?" She said, "No. The Itsy Bitsy Spider."