Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6153 of 6370
In a recent survey into blow jobs, and why men like them so much 6% liked the feeling, 12% liked the excitement and 82% just like the peace and quiet.
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02-02-2010 21:36 by Pineapple
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If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button
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02-02-2010 21:36
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Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem
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02-02-2010 21:35
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I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enoug
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02-02-2010 21:35
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Constipated People Don't Give A crap
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02-02-2010 21:33
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Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.
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02-02-2010 21:32
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Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering
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02-02-2010 21:31
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Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom
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02-02-2010 21:31
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What I learned from the Grammys: Lady Gaga STILL terrifies me, Beyonce apparently has seizures while performing, p!nk looked like a slutty nun who wet herself, Taylor Swift has some VERY adult teeth in her teen-aged mouth, & Lil Wayne was lookin like a fo
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02-02-2010 21:29 by kehlek
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42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot
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02-02-2010 21:29
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Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
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02-02-2010 21:28
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Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." - after being told she looked cool.
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02-02-2010 21:25
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You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on
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02-02-2010 21:24
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Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man....I could be eating a slow learner.
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02-02-2010 21:23
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You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
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02-02-2010 21:23
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"Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality."
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02-02-2010 21:22
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"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."
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02-02-2010 21:21
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No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
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02-02-2010 20:46
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The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity.
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02-02-2010 20:46
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Books, like friends, should be few, and well chosen.
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02-02-2010 20:44
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