Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Have you ever been so bored you started a rumor about yourself just to argue on the other end of it...

   says Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups..,,.!! :P

   Women prefer men who have something tender about them -- especially the financial kind.

   A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.

   The woman who appeals to a man's vanity may stimulate him, the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him, but it is the woman who appeals to his imagination who gets him

   I serve my "fck you's" with a smile. It just has a better effect that way. Don't you think?

   Whenever I sing,i put the cat in the front yard. That way,the neighbours can see it and know it's not being strangled.

   if pickles weren't so sour, I would watch tv and jump on the car. I mean the goblins...never mind..no more LSD for me

   Harrassment: A mint flavored pill that a female injects into her rectum to freshen it.

   there's only one Return and it's not of the King, it's of the Jedi.

   Dilemma. Do I wash dishes or do I attempt to eat Cornflakes from a cup with a knife?

   Son of a GOD!!! SACHIN!!! Couldn't beleive my eyes when I saw 200 not out next to Sachin Tendulkar. Another unbreakable record added to d list.

   Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.

   Cheryl Cole changed her relationship status to "single". 45 million people liked this.

   Feels horrible because he just congratulated a woman on a baby she wasnt having!!! Oops!

   AHHHH! A student driver! AHHHHH! In a Toyota! We're all gonna die!!!

   Please Don't Give me The "Sorry, He's Not Usually Like this, He's Really Sweet When it's Just us Two Alone Speech" maybe you should, um.. give it to Yourself!"

   what is this world coming to? screw Hannah Montana and Jonas... bring back tom and Jerry, scooby doo, and mickey mouse!

   Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends."

   As I, once again, found myself glued to the riveting action of Olympic Curling, I couldn't help but see a missed advertising opportunity. Swiffer WetJet should be sponsoring the hell out of this event.