Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My wife gives me the speaking treatment.

   Bike Week is here at Daytona Beach. It's noisy and crazy! Speaking of noisy and crazy, next week is Tyke Week. It's a bunch of 5 year olds on Big Wheels driving on A1A hounding their moms for grilled cheese and putt putt golf.

   Who would of thunk it folks, having a mask, rubber gloves, bleach and hand sanitizer is now acceptable to have in your vehicle.

   Sex with me is like eating spaghetti with a spoon.

   I found a five dollar bill in the laundry and my credit score went up 12 points.

   Put the mosquitoes in charge of vaccine distribution do I have to think of everything around here

   Why do all Queers talk like that? I mean all the Lesbians don't talk like a man... I don't get it. They must have something stuck in their mouth.

   QAnon: because the Tea Party wasn't stupid enough.

   ничего особенного

   A transgender wins women's lifting competition. Pathetic, that's not a woman.

   While we're on the subject. I am going to see a transgender male female stripper tonight. I'm confused now. . .

   I quit my job as a treadmill tester. I just felt like I wasn’t going anywhere.

   Daylight Saving Time. Where we lose an hour of eating.

   OK. Who is the genius who decided to call them Dentures and not Substitooths?

   Instead of phasing out fossil fuels, let's phase out the fossils in Congress.

   $1400.00 per child? Hold up Maury, I just might be the father after all.

   The subject of entomology really bugs me.

   I quit my job at the helium gas factory, I refuse to be spoken to in that tone

   Sex after 60 is like playing pool with a rope

   Everyone's up in arms over Pepe LePew romancing a cat. Newsflash: Most men are skunks and we romance pu$$y. Same difference. And I can promise you that trait isn't learned from a cartoon.