Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6080 of 6370
A man is a man all his life. A woman is only sexy until she becomes your wife.
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03-12-2010 11:00
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Life is like a kernel of corn. You'll go through some $hit, only to come out clean in the end.
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03-12-2010 10:02
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Don't rush me. I'm waiting for the last minute.
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03-12-2010 09:49
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Better days are coming. They're called Saturday and Sunday.
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03-12-2010 09:48
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Nobody notices what I do, until I don't do it.
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03-12-2010 09:39
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The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
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03-12-2010 09:38
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The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.
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03-12-2010 09:37
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i'm not real happy that the wrapping on my toilet paper said '100% Recycled' !!
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03-12-2010 08:14
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you've just received an Amish Virus. Since we don't have electricity or computers, you're on the honor system. Please delete your files. Thank thee
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03-12-2010 08:09 by johnny5
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thinks Toyota missed an opportunity with their commercials by not using Carrie Underwood's "Jesus Take the Wheel"...
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03-12-2010 07:13
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welcome to my happy place... now get your sh*t and leave!
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03-12-2010 06:52
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other than the two ton woodpecker trying to escape from my head I'm fine.
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03-12-2010 06:49 by johnnys
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The other day I threw a boomerang at a ghost. I knew it would come back to haunt me.
going into the fitting room at Walmart and yelling very loudly there is no toilet paper in here
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03-12-2010 03:08
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Rubbing one out thinking about Wall-E and EVA in the throes of robo-love
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03-11-2010 23:10 by Mike
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If by “metrosexual,” you mean “secret homo” then yes, that's a great way to describe yourself.
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03-11-2010 23:07
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Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn't pay..so if you keep reading, you'll go broke.
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03-11-2010 22:59 by bigedusw
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You can become rich, achieve high social standing, hold multiple degrees, and still be an idiot.
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03-11-2010 22:48
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It's strap-on fat...and I can take it off anytime I want to!
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03-11-2010 21:05 by MichelleH
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heard that Corey Feldman was reportedly wandering around Haimlessly in Los Angeles
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03-11-2010 20:54
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