Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ladies, when you expect a guy 2 be completely honest with u, I laugh. you women wear heels- UR not that tall, you wear makeup- you don't look like that, you color you hair- UR not a blonde. Everything about you is a lie & you expect a man to tell you the

   a humble person, really. I'm actually much greater than I think I am.

   Why get stuck with the whole pig just for a little sausage?

   Last time I was at the hospital lab they asked for a urine sample. I said " No more samples! Either you buy it or you don't! I can't just go giving away free samples every time I come here."

   says"why buy the cow when you can get milk for free?"

   The only reason Rihanna repeats everything in her songs is so noone will notice if the record skips during a concert like Milli Vanilli.

   Pls work on your lyrics Rihanna.. B'coz men hate it when you say the same things again and again. No wonder you got hit by Chris Brown.

   doesn't think that it was ever Benjamin Franklin's intention for us to give up an hour on a Saturday night... What's wrong with giving up the hour on Monday?

   be nice to me.. with minimum effort I can make things very very difficult

   eating his cocoa puffs and when I am done I will drink the chocolate milk!!! yeah that's right that's how I roll!

   It may look like i'm doing nothing but at the cellular level i'm actually quite busy.

   Why do we always have to lose an hour on the weekend to make it shorter? Why cant Spring forward happen on a Friday afternoon so we can leave work earlier for happy hour?

   do some people have common sense!We are classmates then you send me a request to be your fan!not even friend,FAN!stupid twat!Go jump off a cliff!

   its so cold outside I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets

   I like my women like I like my coffee...tied up in a burlap sack and dragged through the Andes behind a donkey.

   'I like my men like I like my coffee... ground up and in the freezer.'

   You can't spell "culture" without "cult".

   How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a pinky monkey named Spunky ran into the forest and chucked all the wood before the woodchuck could?

   Don't run from a sniper. You'll only die tired.

   going to church does not make you religious anymore than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger