Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6076 of 6371
Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
In the end, I will remember not the words of my enemies, but the silence of my friends.
←Rate |
03-15-2010 12:09
Comments (0)
Stix and stones may break my bones but this shovel can knock you the f**k out!!!!!
(insert random song lyrics that describe how I feel, even though nobody cares)
←Rate |
03-15-2010 11:26 by Jake
Comments (1)
thinks that while many auto manufactures put the brakes on due to this global ressession, Toyota just kept on rollin'.
←Rate |
03-15-2010 10:45 by Tim
Comments (0)
Sometimes I feel like kicking you in the face ... but then again WHY should I help improve your looks?
You know you are obsessed with farmville, when your stomach is growling and you say, "Shut-up! I need to harvest!"
U know what I hate? Those DAMN "push 2 wash" sinks in public restrooms! UGHHHHhhh what's the purpose?! They only stay on for bout 2.5 seconds IF THAT, then you gotta hold it & wash 1 hand, & switch, and BAMMM you got more germs than you started with!
←Rate |
03-15-2010 10:19
Comments (1)
wishing I could invade my neighbors farms and take over their land in Farmville.
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
←Rate |
03-15-2010 10:09
Comments (0)
in a relationship with beer which gets complicated after 2am when I start downing single shots
From now on I will be doing my laundry while nude. This way when I'm done, I will truly be finished washing all of my clothes.
Man, my supervisor should've called in sick today, I think he has diarrhea of the mouth.... that's right, he can't stop talking s#*t!
←Rate |
03-15-2010 10:06
Comments (0)
thinks it should be illegal to do construction, mow, and/or weed whack before noon.
used Tag bodywash this morning and was looking forward to a goodtime before work. Unfortunately, no girls busted through walls or outran cheetahs to ravage me, dammit.
If a guy takes Viagra and his erection does last more than 4 hours, do you HONESTLY think he calls his doctor to complain or does he go through his phone and line up his booty calls???
Ladies, when you expect a guy 2 be completely honest with u, I laugh. you women wear heels- UR not that tall, you wear makeup- you don't look like that, you color you hair- UR not a blonde. Everything about you is a lie & you expect a man to tell you the
←Rate |
03-15-2010 09:53
Comments (1)
a humble person, really. I'm actually much greater than I think I am.
Why get stuck with the whole pig just for a little sausage?
←Rate |
03-15-2010 09:34 by Me
Comments (0)
Last time I was at the hospital lab they asked for a urine sample. I said " No more samples! Either you buy it or you don't! I can't just go giving away free samples every time I come here."