Funny Status Messages

   Dont let the ladies fool you cuz deep down they know they need us men...If not for the orgygasims then at least for are ability too kill spiders and open jars...

   And who replied to this you are an amazing animal. evryone knows that.

   People say your life flashes before your eyes when you die, but Steve Apple doesn't support Flash.

   "Please, consider giving your time to help those in need." ...Ok, done. Wow, what a bunch of whiners, that was so easy. NEXT PROBLEM.

   man its' boring in the office... okay everyone I have an idea: let's just take off our pants at 13 o'clock simultaneously... this should spice things up.

   Who needs love when you've got a gun?

   "The people of Libya love me, except the ones given hallucinogenic drugs by Al Qaeda...Duh, WINNING!" ~Muammar Gaddafisteen~

   G.T.I.....Gym, Tan, I'm not buying it!

   I love living in a big city!! There are sooo many more people to yell at!!

   Moms are really very clever!! within the first 10 minutes of visitng her, she read my mind better than I ever read it myself! I could never be a real man just like my own mother.. love you mom!! :-)

   it's going to be cold today, Nips don't lie. - update from Shakira

   thinking green so I'm gonna save some electricity and unplug my refrigerator then leave its contents outside

   told his mum that the screaming coming from the tv was in fact tennis players grunting when hitting the ball...Don't think she fell for it!

   So, did he or did he not call the US justice system a disgrace? I'm so confused.

   O.J wants to move to Florida. Florida doesn't want him. He can move in with me, think of all the publicity I'll get. . .

   There are still areas in the Middle East without peace and where women don’t have equal rights. I was certain Jared and Ivanka would have fixed that by now.

   Tom Brady is the one who threatened Stormy Daniels. I knew he was a douche! Now we have proof.

   Did you hear about the japanese lady that gave birth while taking a bath?she named her kid'' so kin wet''

   A weasel walks in a bar. Bartender says what ya have? Pop goes the weasel.

   I've just realized that this growing old thing , ain't for woossies