Funny Status Messages

   wondering how much you would do for a klondike bar.

   I'm counting the calories as I eat this double quarter pounder with cheese...Wish me luck weight lost!

   on the days I don't show up to work, ima tell my boss, I didn't miss work, I missed practice, we not talking about work here, we're talking about PRACTICE!

   Confucious say man who not married not quite ready , when he get married he finished

   If I dont see you this Easter, Hide your own balls

   Would go play on the playground, but doesn't have anyone to push him on the swings or sit on the see saw with

   No, you didn't get me. If you did, I would be screaming in pain, unconcious or dead!

   ever have the feeling someone is watching you? I guess it doesn't help that I'm looking into this mirror.

   I tried to grow a weed plant before, it didn't turn out so good. Gardening wasn't my calling

   Every year at this time I question who decided this Halloween candy is the "Fun" size. These people must really live a boring existence.

   Chat line commercials ,,those hot babes getting all sexed up to talk on the phone...yeah right ,guys give your head a shake.!!!!

   2016 claimed another one...RIP Rhonda Rousey.

   Difference between Canadians and Americans Canadians say . How you doing eh ? Americans say . Hey how you doing .

   It's not likely that any of you have ever heard of the Fugawi Indian Tribe. It was a lost tribe that spent their days wandering the plains, endlessly chanting, "Where the Fugawi?"

   Fellas.. got itchy balls? Use Vicks vapor rub... your welcome

   Ivanka Trump, the latest to join the cast of the confusing reboot to The West Wing.

   Nurse: strip down to your underpants Me: ok *removes pants to reveal second pair of pants*

   Raffling off my $600 stimulus check $20 a spot 50 spots available direct message me if you’re interested

   I lost my watch at a party once.An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at that party.Infuriated, I immediately went over,punched him in the face and broke his nose.No one does that to a woman,not on my watch

   Can you give someone a skin graft from your butt Ass skin for a friend.