nfl OR football OR superbowl Funny Status Messages

   Name 2 things that get smoked in bowls?.......Marijuana and Notre Dame Football

   Who wants to replay the Superbowl next weekend, just so we can have another party?

   ‎"You see football takes concentration and skill....SQUIRREL!!!!" - Wade Phillips/NFL Head Coach

   The Colts would of lost using a Nerf football. . .

   I refereed a women's football match yesterday. It was brilliant. I booked two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and I sent one off without explanation and left her wondering what she'd done wrong.

   My favoritte thing that the caption of my high school varsity football team ever said to me was, "Would you like paper or plastic?"

   Although preseason football is like non-alcoholic beer, it feels like the lockout added 10% of alcohol content

   I can't stand those people who hate football but still go along to games to deliberately cause trouble and ruin them for everybody else. Bloody referees.

   Ladies.. Yall had 7 months to get mentally prepared for Football Season. We dealt with yall Loser Wives shows all year!

   MY Fantasy Football thing is about the Cheerleaders.

   the next time someone says nothing is impossible tell them to try and dribble a football.

   on the positive side, somewhere in a third world country people now have these sweet Pittsburgh steelers Superbowl champions shirts and hats to wear!!

   I don't know who makes more idle threats: Iran threatening the U.S. Navy in the Persian Gulf or Rex Ryan of the Jets threatening to win a Superbowl every year?

   She lost me at, "I don't watch football."

   BEFORE MARRIAGE: Saturday Night Fever AFTER: Monday Night Football

   BREAKING NEWS: United States resumes not caring about soccer, looks forward to NFL Football in September

   Overview of my résumé: 1. Quick eater 2. Extensive knowledge of Parkour 3. Argumentative 4: Fired from McDonalds 5: Am I a multi tasker, (I can sneeze and pee at the same) 6: leading my Fantasy Football league..

   Son: Dad, what's a hypocrite?.... Me: It's when an idiot wants to change the name of a football team while putting Aunt Jemima syrup on waffles.

   "Can't You Just Let Me Watch The Damn Football Game?" – the Working Title of my new Childrens book

   Obama said he wouldn't let his son play football bc he fears it would cause dementia. Someone should tell Obama that he doesn't have a son.