santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm making my house into an Italian restaurant.
←Rate | 12-25-2018 21:24 by JCGJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think for Christmas Mark Zuckerberg should share some of his wealth with us all we helped him make, or at least give us fonts.
←Rate | 12-24-2018 14:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know what most people are getting for Christmas? Fat.
←Rate | 12-24-2018 11:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas. As if he wasn't going to see me 5 more times before then.
←Rate | 12-23-2018 07:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This whole Santa should have no gender is crap. Here is how you know Santa is a man. He shows up late, eats your cookie, empties his sack, comes only once, calls you a Ho and leaves while you're asleep.
←Rate | 12-22-2018 15:26 by Ky Comments (0)  

   messageicon Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt
←Rate | 12-22-2018 09:02 by Ky Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you like christmas so much why don't you merry it
←Rate | 12-21-2018 22:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife said I can't have a flamethrower for Christmas.
←Rate | 12-21-2018 09:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In honor of Charles Dickens I am also going to be poor this Christmas
←Rate | 12-21-2018 09:34 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon An easy way to tell people you don't like them is to send them a Xmas card with glitter on it.
←Rate | 12-18-2018 21:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’d like to see a commercial where the wife receives a brand new Lexus on Christmas morning and the she turns to her husband and says "You idiot! WTF is the matter with you? We can’t afford a Lexus!"
←Rate | 12-17-2018 09:51 Comments (1)  

   messageicon When people say "Are you ready for Christmas?" I say "I'm ready for it to be over.
←Rate | 12-17-2018 07:37 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I’m going to write a modern Christmas song called “baby is cold outside” it’s the story of a woman arguing with her husband about the thermostat
←Rate | 12-17-2018 05:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bad part about being a bomb disposal technician..... It takes me 6 hours to open my Christmas presents.
←Rate | 12-17-2018 01:49 by Joker Comments (0)  

   messageicon What do people who send out family Christmas cards want from us?
←Rate | 12-16-2018 09:35 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My parents have been attending their own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1985.
←Rate | 12-15-2018 14:11 by Zinc Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you like christmas so much why don’t you merry it
←Rate | 12-15-2018 14:07 by Zinc Comments (0)  

   messageicon Any tree can be a Christmas tree if you yell at your family around it.
←Rate | 12-15-2018 13:51 by Zinc Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have yourself a merry little christmas sounds pretty condescending - Jennifer Lopez
←Rate | 12-15-2018 13:50 by Zinc Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like it when my wife makes Christmas shopping easy. This year she said she wants a gun, Duct tape, some rope, and a large sturdy bag. Can't wait to see what she gets me!
←Rate | 12-15-2018 08:46 by vaterpop Comments (0)  

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