abbybaby34 Funny Status Messages

   "Let's save this so we can throw it away in few days" - Tupperware

   Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet & rub up & down. Yep that's how you wash a cup...

   If you are ever wondering who is rapping in a song, just wait 4 more seconds and he'll say his name.

   Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things of high shelves.

   If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport. You'll get a free x-ray, a breast exam, and if you mention Al Qaeda you will get a free colonoscopy

   I just googled 2013 and it said the new Batman movie comes out SO TAKE THAT MAYANS.

   I'll bet you the President gets his mail today.

   I have so little game I'm not even allowed to play miniature golf.

   Cutting education funding to help the economy is like planting chicken eggs rather than feeding the hen.

   No matter what people think of you, walk around with your head held high. Multiple chins are not cute.

   Your profile said you had a body like an amusement park, but when I met you it looked more like a trailer park. what gives?

   My ex said I would always have the key to her heart, so I take it that her new man is a locksmith?

   Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right

   Just texted "I still love you" to about 50 random phone numbers.

   Why do all the beautiful women with blond hair, dye their roots brown?

   Inside me is a skinny woman screaming to get out. I can usually shut her up with a cookie.

   When I'm sad I just sing, and then I realize my voice is worse than my problems.

   I'm not shy. I'm just holding back my awesomeness so I don't intimidate you.

   Just met one of those people that start laughing at things you said 10 minutes ago....because they just "got it"

   Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right