lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
←Rate | 02-13-2010 15:18 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon The good thing about multiple personalities is that if you collect enough of them you're prepared for any situation
←Rate | 11-11-2010 14:33 by lemonpillow Comments (2)  

   messageicon What happens in Vegas doesn't stay in Vegas. It ends up on Facebook.
←Rate | 04-04-2010 19:04 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is simple. Eat. Sleep. Update Facebook status.
←Rate | 07-02-2010 03:35 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I felt sorry the hypnotist I saw last night He hypnotised seven men then dropped the microphone on his foot & yelled "F*ck me!".. What happened next will haunt me forever!
←Rate | 05-03-2010 13:24 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
←Rate | 02-25-2010 13:23 by Lemonpillow Comments (1)  

   messageicon ..i think Facebook needs a "Yes I Like Your Status And Have Commented On It ... But I Don't Want To Know When Everyone Else F*cking Does!" button
←Rate | 09-22-2010 17:14 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  

   messageicon When I said "I wanted to be held" I didn't mean "by the Authorities".
←Rate | 03-05-2010 16:50 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon An unemployed clown is nobody's fool.
←Rate | 02-15-2010 03:49 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon If anybody steals my identity, at least I'll know who to look for.
←Rate | 04-13-2010 15:41 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have a dentist appointment tomorrow. Which means I have nineteen hours to do six months of flossing.
←Rate | 01-27-2010 14:11 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I put on my favorite winter jacket for the first time the other day, and as soon as I put my hands in those pockets, I was immediately reminded that last year I didn't have any money, either.
←Rate | 01-03-2010 13:31 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it's true calling: helping people wink online. ;-)
←Rate | 02-02-2011 13:47 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Songs with sirens in them should not be allowed on the car radio as they trick me when i'm driving.
←Rate | 02-11-2011 13:47 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon My anti-aging face cream gave me acne. No need to go that young, L'Oreal.
←Rate | 08-31-2010 13:35 by lemonpillow Comments (6)  

   messageicon Sociologists say San Francisco's birth rate is projected to decline sharply in the next decade. I'm actually rather surprised San Francisco has a birth rate.
←Rate | 12-12-2010 12:02 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why did the chicken cross the roa... *thump*thump* Nevermind.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 02:20 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why did the chicken cross the road? It was trying to get a signal on it's IPhone 4.
←Rate | 06-27-2010 09:41 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on facebook people that you do know, but deliberately choose not to be friends with?
←Rate | 03-17-2010 15:20 by lemonpillow Comments (9)  

   messageicon At a recent job interview: What would you consider to be your main weaknesses and strengths? Well my main weakness would be my issues with reality, telling what's real from what's not.And your strengths? I'm Batman.
←Rate | 10-13-2010 13:27 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

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