Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
←Rate | 09-09-2012 14:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stealing candy from a baby is actually pretty hard....... They always have adult friends nearby....... and they're loud snitches.......
←Rate | 05-07-2012 22:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Newton's laws say that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, proving he knew nothing about women.
←Rate | 03-31-2012 13:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
←Rate | 12-01-2010 08:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend's ex walked over to me the other day and asked… "So how does it feel enjoying 2nd hand goods?" I said, "Doesn't bother me, actually once you get past the 1st 3 inches, the rest is all brand new."
←Rate | 07-27-2011 11:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mirror and my camera have two completely different ideas of what I look like.
←Rate | 01-10-2011 23:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cops came to my house earlier, claiming that my dog had chased someone on a bike. I said "Piss off, my dog doesn't have a bike!"
←Rate | 03-27-2010 14:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
←Rate | 02-23-2011 18:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't think we didn't notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
←Rate | 10-25-2012 14:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've finally collected enough rats asses to give to everyone on my list.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 18:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm excited for Christmas. What other time of the year can you sit around a dead tree and eat candy out of socks?
←Rate | 12-06-2010 20:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (4)  


   messageicon I don't need to make better choices, I need better things to choose FROM.
←Rate | 06-05-2010 20:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people! Respect it!
←Rate | 03-23-2011 16:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon 2011 Pick Up Lines: "I have a full tank of gas."
←Rate | 05-14-2011 13:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was little I didn't care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it's obvious that my parents didn't care either.
←Rate | 05-25-2012 13:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend came over and left his laptop on the floor. My mother thought it was a scale. Conclusion: My mother weighs 950 dollars.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 13:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon I had my cell phone ring changed to a loud sneeze. That way, not only do I not offend those around me, they actually bless me whenever anyone calls.
←Rate | 05-11-2011 22:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
←Rate | 06-28-2012 22:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are so many scams on the Internet now... Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
←Rate | 07-06-2012 19:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why isn't there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
←Rate | 05-20-2012 17:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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