Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My mirror and my camera have two completely different ideas of what I look like.
←Rate | 01-10-2011 23:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't think we didn't notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
←Rate | 10-25-2012 14:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't need to make better choices, I need better things to choose FROM.
←Rate | 06-05-2010 20:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm excited for Christmas. What other time of the year can you sit around a dead tree and eat candy out of socks?
←Rate | 12-06-2010 20:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (4)  


   messageicon I've finally collected enough rats asses to give to everyone on my list.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 18:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone always makes fun of my man purse until I bust out a bottle of wine, a bag of weed, a bong, milk, cookies and a cheese platter.
←Rate | 11-16-2012 11:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people! Respect it!
←Rate | 03-23-2011 16:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My best relationship advice: Make sure you're the crazy one.
←Rate | 06-01-2011 11:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon 2011 Pick Up Lines: "I have a full tank of gas."
←Rate | 05-14-2011 13:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
←Rate | 04-12-2012 16:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was little I didn't care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it's obvious that my parents didn't care either.
←Rate | 05-25-2012 13:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had my cell phone ring changed to a loud sneeze. That way, not only do I not offend those around me, they actually bless me whenever anyone calls.
←Rate | 05-11-2011 22:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are so many scams on the Internet now... Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
←Rate | 07-06-2012 19:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why isn't there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
←Rate | 05-20-2012 17:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You ever notice how most Ford vehicle names are more fun when you put "anal" in front of them? Probe, Explorer, Excursion, Endeavor, Ranger, Focus...
←Rate | 06-27-2011 16:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it.
←Rate | 07-21-2010 21:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your ass.
←Rate | 03-28-2012 21:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do I have to bother pushing "one" for English? I'm still going to get someone who can't speak it.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 21:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're not living life right if you don't get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
←Rate | 08-22-2011 09:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
←Rate | 10-31-2010 15:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


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