Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 6 of 5652

   messageicon If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off of it by now.
←Rate | 05-12-2017 10:18 by koolfingaz Comments (12)  


   messageicon I am tired of being judged by my color by people who complain of being judged by theirs
←Rate | 08-23-2017 21:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't own a dog whistle you can use two teenage girls who haven't seen each other in a month.
←Rate | 07-11-2017 09:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a cashier asks if you found everything you were looking for, take their hand, look deeply into their eyes and say, "I have now."
←Rate | 08-17-2017 08:41 by Moose42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's ironic how those who bemoan being judged by their color are now the one's judging folks by their color. 1 |
←Rate | 09-23-2017 07:27 by Fact Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care how important you think you are. You should do what you learned in kindergarten and be patient and wait your turn.
←Rate | 06-22-2017 08:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
←Rate | 04-06-2017 09:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I'm not your boyfriend.
←Rate | 05-31-2013 05:12 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I came walking in from the kitchen, and asked my niece for the phonebook. She laughed and called me an antique, Then proceded to gave me her phone.Long story short, the spider's dead, and she's in the living room crying.
←Rate | 07-20-2017 19:41 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.
←Rate | 05-25-2017 18:12 by Pj Comments (1)  


   messageicon If my psychiatrist said "There's really nothing more I can do for you", that means I'm cured right??
←Rate | 03-14-2017 02:43 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
←Rate | 06-04-2017 08:33 by Sms Comments (0)  


   messageicon My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can't stuff your face when you're sleeping.
←Rate | 04-28-2017 19:30 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
←Rate | 07-13-2017 09:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon North Korea got missile that can reach Chicago,,, be carefull North Korea chicago will shoot back
←Rate | 07-30-2017 00:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He's obviously an undercover cop.
←Rate | 08-25-2017 06:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
←Rate | 03-13-2017 19:26 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
←Rate | 03-15-2017 18:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For those of you that think that Jimmy Kimmel is a champion of women’s rights feel free to watch some “Man Show” reruns
←Rate | 10-17-2017 18:17 by cpaman Comments (3)  


   messageicon Menage a trois- French for disappointing two girls at the same time.
←Rate | 04-04-2017 07:48 Comments (0)  



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