Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 6 of 6446

   messageicon FBI, CIA, DOJ: We have investigated ourselves and found ourselves to be innocent.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They said, “Californy is the place we gotta flee,” so they loaded up the truck and moved back to Tennessee.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.
←Rate | 01-11-2023 00:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I could really go for a pinata right about now. I’d love to beat the crap out of something and then have some candy.
←Rate | 07-04-2022 02:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love to shop, but I’ll never buy your bull.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a woman says, “my nipples are pierced,” the correct response is, I don’t believe you.
←Rate | 05-17-2022 06:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?’
←Rate | 05-21-2022 03:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you tell a joke so funny at work that HR wants to hear it.
←Rate | 06-05-2022 02:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don’t have to drop to your knees every time you eat a hotdog.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 02:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Laying in bed at 3am and thinking that you should’ve said something different in that argument that you had in 2011.
←Rate | 06-23-2022 01:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever since it’s been brought to my attention that you can say Covid 19 to the tune of, Come on Eileen, I’ve been unable to read it any other way.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 00:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Explaining bedtime to the kids: “It’s not about how tired you are, it’s about how tired you’re making everyone else.
←Rate | 06-30-2022 01:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it actually snows, please stay home. Y’all can’t even drive when it’s sunny. Lol
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It might be called social media, but all I do is share photos and ignore people.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in face, but with words.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous.
←Rate | 07-08-2022 09:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The trash gets picked up tomorrow, be ready.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There’s no water in hell, only a bunch of sick jokes about pee-pees.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 10:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Putting groceries in the freezer is like Tetris, taking them out is like Jenga.
←Rate | 01-11-2023 00:48 Comments (0)  




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