Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon That moment when you miss one step on the stairs, and you think you’re about to die.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 01:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cats are my favorite animal, because no matter where you fall on the food chain, a cat will smack the crap out of you.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon (Overheard from the other room) 8yo: Can I have an ice cream sandwich? Grandma: Did you eat all your supper? 8yo: No. Grandma: Just one then. 😂
←Rate | 01-23-2023 02:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Oops, my bad. Thought I was dealing with an adult.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon God Bless Rednecks! Merica!
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon IKEA needs to provide better descriptions on their furniture like, what is the divorce rate on assembling this 8-drawer dresser.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don’t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 01:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon To all 6 of you who like my posts, I do it all for you.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The urge to use parenthesis in every sentence (because every thought comes with additional bonus content)
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fake laughing with customers is actually a skill and we should be allowed to add that to our resumes.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How about taco Wednesday’s, no one has ever done that before.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 01:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while, to remind yourself why you don’t go out.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 01:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Zuckerberg is responsible for my multiple profile disorder.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love to shop, but I’ll never buy your bull.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The biggest story this week, is the suppression of a story about the suppression of a story. That story is also suppressed, we’ll have less on the story later.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 12:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Start each day with a positive thought like; “in 16 hours, I can go back to bed.”
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If it’s out of your hands, then it deserves freedom from your mind too.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 12:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You: I’m offended, you can’t say that! Me: Noooo, I can, I did, and I probably will again.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My kidnapers returned me after listening to me talk about conspiracy theories that were true, for two hours straight.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:44 Comments (0)  

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