Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 6 of 6178

   messageicon Sorry I slapped you, didn't seem like you would stop talking so I panicked.
←Rate | 10-04-2021 11:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To defeat the latest variant, experts recommend doing all the things that didn’t work the first time.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 03:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A guy limps into Dairy Queen and orders a strawberry sundae. The cashier asks, “crushed nuts?” and the guy says, “no, it’s just my bad knee.”
←Rate | 05-27-2021 23:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dirty talk, but you both use your customer service voice.
←Rate | 09-05-2021 19:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm starting to worry that I can't stab someone in front of a cop without getting shot
←Rate | 04-21-2021 22:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar
←Rate | 11-22-2017 02:45 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon These mask mandates just made ventriloquism a lot easier.
←Rate | 10-01-2021 04:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Go practice spitting out teeth and I'll be over there in a minute.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook was removed for violating Facebook community standards.
←Rate | 10-06-2021 07:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So how long before GoFundMe is our nation's leading health care provider?
←Rate | 07-11-2018 08:13 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If I’m reading their lips correctly, it looks like my neighbors are having an argument about the creepy guy next door.
←Rate | 08-24-2020 14:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ME: welcome to my man cave. PROCTOLOGIST: please stop calling it that.
←Rate | 09-08-2020 09:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s Thursday… or as I like to call it, “Day 4 of the hostage situation.”
←Rate | 01-05-2018 19:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most terrifying moment in life is when the toilet refuses to flush at someone else's house
←Rate | 01-10-2018 04:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bought some pre-tangled Christmas lights to save some time this year.
←Rate | 12-19-2019 07:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If TuPac and Biggie were still alive Kanye would be folding T-Shirts at the Gap right about now.
←Rate | 07-20-2020 06:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A message to whoever stole my shoes while I was playing in the ball pit at Chucky Cheese yesterday.. GROW UP!!
←Rate | 12-27-2018 15:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best Safeword you can use is "Meatloaf." It means "I would do anything for love but I won't do that."
←Rate | 09-04-2019 07:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cardboard crowds are getting a little Rowdy at the game.
←Rate | 08-03-2020 08:07 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left