Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 6 of 6292

   messageicon If you’re afraid to live your life, then you have already died.
←Rate | 05-29-2022 00:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Coffee so strong, that for like 4 minutes you have hope.
←Rate | 05-29-2022 00:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Want to get back on your feet? Miss two car payments.
←Rate | 06-03-2022 02:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your voice held no power, they wouldn’t try to silence you.
←Rate | 06-14-2022 02:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you’re on your 8th “dam, that’s crazy,” and they’re still telling you their story.
←Rate | 06-14-2022 02:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The closer the collapse of an empire, the crazier it’s laws.
←Rate | 05-13-2022 03:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wish I was a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, wake up beautiful.
←Rate | 05-15-2022 02:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When your girl takes her top off, but the antidepressants have killed your sex drive. Boobies, yes, I remember.
←Rate | 05-15-2022 02:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m sorry, the internet has ruined me. Whenever you say “shingles,” all I see in my head is Sean Connery scrolling through a dating app.
←Rate | 05-29-2022 00:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Catch Some Z's ~ It was first used to represent snoring and sleep in a 1903 comic strip called Katzenjammer Kids. Comic book artists used “z” in their work because of its association with the English idiom “sawing wood.”
←Rate | 05-29-2022 00:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous.
←Rate | 07-08-2022 09:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Deleting history has become more important than making it.
←Rate | 05-24-2022 05:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: Is your stomach flat? Him: Yeah, just the “L” is silent.
←Rate | 06-05-2022 02:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tried to spoon a tall girl once and felt like a backpack.
←Rate | 05-19-2022 07:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Acupuncture ~ proving that stabbing someone can make things better.
←Rate | 05-25-2022 03:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just because it’s a bad idea does not mean it won’t be a good time.
←Rate | 06-03-2022 02:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Was told that I am the cheapest man in the world, well I'm not buying it
←Rate | 06-11-2022 23:30 by Luka Comments (0)  


   messageicon You must’ve been born on the highway, that’s where a lot of accidents happen.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An old-fashioned candy necklace, but with tums and ibuprofen.
←Rate | 04-30-2022 15:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dog 1 to dog 2: “Once in a while, pretend like you hear something they don’t…. it drives them crazy!”
←Rate | 04-30-2022 15:39 Comments (0)  




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