Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
←Rate | 09-26-2019 15:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can always tell someone's age by watching them get out of a car.
←Rate | 02-27-2020 11:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinking of putting a Coronavirus Quarantine sign on my door to discourage solicitors.
←Rate | 03-03-2020 18:06 by Stinkerbelle Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm having a quarintine party this weekend. None of you are invited
←Rate | 03-23-2020 06:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon With the rise in self-driving vehicles, eventually there will a Country and Western song about your truck leaving you too.
←Rate | 06-23-2017 08:45 Comments (2)  


   messageicon I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
←Rate | 06-12-2018 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Einstein was a genius. It was his brother Frank that created a monster.
←Rate | 06-17-2018 13:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My son screamed like a little girl when he saw a spider so no paternity test was needed.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 05:19 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So you took pictures of fireworks tonight? Post all 50 of them- we really want to see!
←Rate | 07-04-2018 23:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson hasn't released a movie in three weeks. I hope he's okay.
←Rate | 07-10-2018 09:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinking of making a horror movie titled Front Facing Camera
←Rate | 07-11-2018 01:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does rocking a vending machine count as exercise?
←Rate | 09-17-2018 13:00 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon The NFL has determined that we will follow the 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi,..... rule before allowing defenders to tackle quarterbacks.
←Rate | 09-24-2018 00:05 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a solicitor calls, I just hand the phone to my 8-year-old and tell him this nice lady wants to hear every last detail about your Minecraft village.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so old that the only room I can go into and remember why is the bathroom.
←Rate | 10-23-2018 19:42 by Haha Comments (2)  


   messageicon I've heard a lot about Karen lately but what about Felicia. Did she finally leave?
←Rate | 07-30-2020 11:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cardboard crowds are getting a little Rowdy at the game.
←Rate | 08-03-2020 08:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a lazy eye as a child and now the rest of my body has caught up.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 08:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My five year plan is to make it through this year.
←Rate | 08-06-2020 21:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My husband wants to make cauliflower crust pizza so now I have to run to the grocery store and find a new husband.
←Rate | 09-16-2020 08:14 Comments (0)  




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