Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6 of 6366
Her: I have a child that needs a father figure. Him: I wear socks with sandals. Her: wow, you’re daddy af.
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04-22-2022 23:20
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Sorry I didn’t reply for 45 days. Lol What’s up?
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01-06-2023 01:08
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May life treat you the way you treat waiters and animals.
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01-04-2023 02:43
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The biggest story this week, is the suppression of a story about the suppression of a story. That story is also suppressed, we’ll have less on the story later.
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01-07-2023 12:12
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My phone is always in my hand. So, if you think I’m ignoring you, I am.
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01-13-2023 02:48
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Just caught my pecker in my zipper. No more zip-up boots for me.
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01-18-2023 01:24
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Do men still go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. The female to male ratio is ten to one, and they’re already looking for things they don’t need.
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01-19-2023 01:55
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My school taught square dancing in the 4th grade, because you never know when a hoedown will break out.
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01-19-2023 01:57
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Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, which is why I’m eating it again at 11:00am.
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01-19-2023 02:15
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I’d like to thank my middle finger, for all those times sticking up for me when I needed it the most.
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06-21-2022 22:45
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Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still stupid.
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06-26-2022 00:10
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It’s time for the 99% of us who are not offended by everything to quit catering to the 1% who are.
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06-30-2022 01:00
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The hardest part about driving a Hummer, is trying to find your wiener when you go pee-pee.
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07-01-2022 01:47
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You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
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01-23-2023 03:43
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Lady: How did you fix that horrible annoying noise my car was making? Auto Technician: We simply removed your Taylor Swift CD and replaced it with Van Halen. 😎
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01-24-2023 00:16
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Life would be easier if we all had a video game health bar above our heads letting everyone know how close we are to a meltdown.
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01-07-2023 12:28
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Please don’t ride with me if you’re going to grab the dash and scream every time I run off the road. It makes me nervous.
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01-07-2023 14:29
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Dads tell cheesy jokes not because humor gets worse with age, but because the more life experience you have, the more value you place on anything that might make someone laugh, even if it’s at your own expense.
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01-13-2023 02:16
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This recipe calls for leftover bacon, and it might as well call for dragon tenderloin or bigfoot steaks.
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01-13-2023 02:27
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Grocery shopping is a constant battle between not buying snacks, so you won’t be tempted and being angry that there’s nothing to eat.
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01-18-2023 01:01
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