Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You don’t like being treated the way that you treat others? That must really suck.

   Trillion-dollar propaganda machine vs. people putting funny words on pictures.

   Cats are my favorite animal, because no matter where you fall on the food chain, a cat will smack the crap out of you.

   It’s called a joke, we used to tell them before people got drunk on soymilk.

   You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue with their actions.

   My favorite part of winter is when it’s over.

   Teacher: “Today we will be talking about depressed people who share jokes all day as a coping mechanism.”

   When you’re in psychology class and you learn about the disorder you have.

   If you don’t do stupid things while you’re young, you’ll have nothing to laugh about when you’re old.

   I’m busy right now, can I ignore you later?

   Amazonesia: When you forget what you ordered this time.

   When you see your-self as Robin Hood, Prince of Jokes. Stealing from group to feed another, spreading joy across the land.

   You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

   Forest Grump: And just like that, having classified documents was perfectly acceptable. 😆

   Be wary of half-truths, you may get the wrong half.

   An elderly woman was walking her dog when a young man grabbed her purse and ran away. I asked if she was okay. She said, “it’s no big deal really, I only carry that old purse to put my dog’s poop in it.”

   You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

   Glad to see you’re not letting education get in the way of your ignorance.

   “I want the truth!” Independent fact checkers, with the direction of the FBI, have concluded that you can’t handle the truth.

   Elon Musk fired 8000 employees and Twitter is working just fine. Makes you wonder what they were doing all day long.