Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear 2016, for the love of all that's holy... Please take JCGJ too..

   I downloaded the Rhonda Rousey fight tonight. It was only 5 megs. Coulda put that on a floppy.

   Official White House response: Donald Trump's in meetings. Journalists with cameras and tourists with iPhones: Donald Trump is definitely golfing.

   Daffy Definition #348 Iditarod: Monica Lewinsky's autobiography.

   Halloween is over time to put up the Christmas decorations.

   My wife passed some gas. I told her it was rank. She said to treat it like aroma therapy.

   My popcorn gone stale, my coke is now flat. Waiting for the showing of the pp tapes, what happen to that?

   I called the Coronavirus hotline. I kept getting a recording about soy sauce saying, "Do not refill bottle with other than Kikkoman!"

   The only reason I am not going to my patio and jumping off of the railing during all this madness is because I live on the first floor and do not want to look like a mental escapee to all of my neighbors.

   I can't wait to have make up sex... I've been arguing with myself all day.

   I made my wife a Caesar salad last night! The dog was really pissed off though as it was his last tin!

   A husband's last words always has to be 'OK buy it'.

   I found out that if you have an annoying song stuck in your head that you want to forget, listen to Don't Stop Believing by Journey and it go away. REALLY!!

   All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.

   Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?

   the superman of humility

   Sticks and stones may break my bones but words ........... words will never f**king fail me !!!

   The richest person is not the one who has the most,while he is the one who needs less.

   even the dark is frightened of me !

   This is what will happen if you look like me............(SMACK)