Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   There's a fine line between hyphenated words

   The next person who suggests that, when I die, I should leave my organs to medical science is really gonna get a piece of my mind.

   writing your phone number on the toilet wall

   ok, the dude was on the no flight list 24 hrs prior to him boarding the plane, but the airlines werent aware of it cuz they update they database every 24 hrs??? better hit that "Refresh" button every hour then, Gee!

   Yesterday I put in a bid for a “Cowboy Outfit”.. on ebay and now it seems I'm only six minutes away from owning the South austrailan Government!

   if you take a shot and yell "cinco de mayo!" its a celebration. If you take a shot and yell "Wednesday!" its an intervention

   A recent study conducted by UCLA just discovered that doing just about anything increases your risk of death.

   Cinco de Mayo...when we commemorate the sinking of the great Spanish Mayonnaise flotilla which liberated Mexico from the iron grip of the Spanish mayonnaise monopolies...

   So is this where I'm supposed to type a heartfelt sentence, or a quote or something describing how I feel and stuff? Cool, mine's far more complicated to be typed here.

   thinks that constant nagging of a girfriend is a real turn off...

   we call it MAY 5TH on this side of the border

   might not be the sharpest marble in the crayon box

   would like to thank all his friends who came out to his intervention. Let's get together and do this every year!

   get's the feeling that whenever Sarah Palin sees a Pro-Sarah bumper sticker, she rolls down the window, goes "WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP!!!!" and generally makes a fool of herself.

   wondering how Chad Ochocinco is celebrating his Cinco de May?

   should be a store without greasy, mcdonalds eating, welfare collecting ppl...We can call it "Smallmart"

   I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle....so they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my vodka :(

   A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin

   Never believe anything until it has been officially denied

   If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee!