Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5941 of 6370
I ate too much comfort food and now I'm a bean bag chair.
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05-06-2010 17:51 by Joser
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From what I've heard, there are actaully people whose paychecks last all the way to the next paycheck! I know! I didn't believe it either.
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05-06-2010 17:49 by Joser
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"Keep this just between you and me" is a guarantee everyone will know by the end of the day
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05-06-2010 17:49 by Joser
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Job Application Tip: If asked "Have you ever been convicted of a crime?" the incorrect response is, "No, I pleaded insanity."
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05-06-2010 17:47 by Joser
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The 7 deadly sins? Um... male camel toe, spamming, paying by check, using ALL CAPS, bogarting, leaving the seat up
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05-06-2010 17:47 by Joser
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Just because we have the same last name doesn't mean we have to be Facebook friends, Grandpa...
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05-06-2010 17:46 by Joser
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My pants are on the no-fly list.
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05-06-2010 17:42 by Joser
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I may be old a hell when Playstation 9 comes out around the year 2072, but I'll feel like a kid when I get my hands on it.
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05-06-2010 17:34 by Danmanz
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In the lives of our grandchildren and great grandchildren, OUR iphone and ipad will be THEIR rotary phone and notepad.
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05-06-2010 17:34 by Danmanz
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Men... They have 30 year mortgages, 5 year car leases, 2 year cell phone contracts and a lifetime gym membership and then they say they're afraid of commitment!
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05-06-2010 16:11
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molested herself last night , she tried to say no , but she knew she wanted it .
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05-06-2010 16:10 by megan
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finally figured out what flies and mosquitoes are for. They're God's way of making us slap ourselves.
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05-06-2010 16:06
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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I'm kicking your ass!
When we get older, what r we gonna tell our grand kids?!... "When I was ur age, I sat on my a$$, all day on facebook!" The future looks bright, doesn't it?
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05-06-2010 16:04
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wants to keep hot coffee and doughnuts in her car, so that when a cop asks, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" I can say, "Yes I do" and hand them to the officer!
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05-06-2010 16:03
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I love it when Friday is in town :))))) because she always brings her friends Saturday and Sunday along too!
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05-06-2010 16:02
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If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
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05-06-2010 16:01 by jdpower
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Where there is a Will.............. Put Me In It
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05-06-2010 15:57
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Today's weight loss tip: Use superglue as lip gloss!!
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05-06-2010 15:55
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beat the heck out of the alarm clock this morning. It's currently on life support, but if it tries that $hit again tomorrow, I'm pulling the plug!!!
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05-06-2010 15:55
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