Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5923 of 6371
suppose evolution is true,a million years from now we'll have oil producing fish.
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05-14-2010 13:01
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there is a midget in line in front of me at the Walgreens. He has a bag of pork rinds and a box of condoms...my question...which one do you think was the impulse buy?
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05-14-2010 11:49 by htggems
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Seriously, dude in front of me at the register...digging in your pants for the last 2 minutes for change is making you look kinda creepy...
not sure we're using this internet thingy properly. He just Googled 'Partridge Family Theme Song Lyrics' and got 97,000 pages that had them. Seriously? He thinks one page is quite enough. Maybe 2, for a backup in case one goes down.
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05-14-2010 10:48
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If a cop stops me and says "papers" and I say "scissors" do I win?
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05-14-2010 10:44 by one
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*When I m Studying parents dont see.When I takes a break parents- "why dont I ever see you study?"
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05-14-2010 09:18 by darsh_7
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going cow tipping in FarmVille...Don't say I didn't warn you...
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05-14-2010 08:48 by Cathy
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hypothetical high five.... wait for it...... NICE!!
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05-14-2010 06:52
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I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what I do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, I draw the line. I'm sorry but I just can't let you beat me at mario kart
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05-14-2010 06:49
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i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passed out. when you wish upon a star...
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05-14-2010 06:46
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her breakfast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didnt want, and water that I slipped birth control into....Who says chivalry is dead!!
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05-14-2010 06:38
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The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but it still has to be mowed!
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05-14-2010 04:46
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Dear Beer,I forgive You for abandoning me during tough times during the week, I love You for coming back on weekend and will French kiss You, till sobriety do us apart!
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05-14-2010 02:39 by Mduduzi
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me -- they were cramming for their finals!
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05-14-2010 01:26
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[Due to Improper conduct on facebook and writing randomly on walls, Facebook has removed my status bar ]
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05-14-2010 01:19
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I Never Finish My Eraser Because It Is Either Stolen,Lost,or Cut In Half
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05-14-2010 00:33 by darsh_7
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if I had a nickel for evertime I ignored your friends request, I could buy facebook with all my change..
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05-13-2010 23:42
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I didn't fall , I attacked the floor.
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05-13-2010 22:56
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I want to get a Henna tattoo that says "Forever"
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05-13-2010 22:31 by Vito
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Her bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that sh*t together with floss...
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05-13-2010 20:53 by Joser
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