Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5916 of 6370
Just saw my Direct Deposit amount and the "LOL" the bank typed next to it.
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05-17-2010 19:52
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I won't rest until I find a cure for insomnia.
I only know how to do things 3 ways: the WRONG way. the RIGHT way. and MY way. Which is really the WRONG way, only faster!
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05-17-2010 17:57 by shoesan
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You know what''s so scary, but just so sexy at the same time? A hot woman kicking your a$$ in video games.....in your room.....on your bed.
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05-17-2010 17:23 by Danmanz
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Used the local gas station toilet today, when I walked in someone in the stall muttered "Release the Kracken"...well played creepy homeless guy...well played.
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05-17-2010 16:15
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never realized how sleep deprivation could make me think more bazarrely (is that a word?) than abnormal...thinking outside the dimension !
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05-17-2010 14:19
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curious as to which arm rest in the movie theatre is really yours.
Women with facial hair, can y'all please stop buying all the freakin Schick razor blades!!! Those are not MADE FOR Y'ALL!!!!
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05-17-2010 12:17
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To say things are going "swimmingly" is always a good thing. Except when you're on a cruise.
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05-17-2010 12:01
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I want to buy a Labrador for my niece but i'm a bit scared. I can't help but notice how many Labrador owners have gone blind.
just got a 'friend request' from Dr. Phil as suggested by another friend....Hmmmm, is this friend trying to tell me something???
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05-17-2010 11:38
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I don't care what anyone says...ice cream is a very important element to any healthy diet!!
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05-17-2010 11:29
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Think back to 1850. California became a state. The people had no electricity. The state had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets. Nothing has changed, except then women had real boobs and the men didn't hold hands!
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05-17-2010 10:23
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serve her a large drink with a full banana hidden inside it. If she gulp it in one shoot with no problem I know i'm in for a long night!
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05-17-2010 10:08 by Lycid
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Whoever said "two wrongs don't make a right" has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
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05-17-2010 10:00 by Joser
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Hiding peoples status' on your news feed is the best way of sayin f*ck you're annoying but I don't wanna delete you cuz you'll notice.
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05-17-2010 10:00 by Joser
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♫ If you're crazy and you know it take your pills! ♫
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05-17-2010 09:59 by Joser
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After 2 years I finally found the back piece to one of my remotes. This means more to me than it probably should.
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05-17-2010 09:58 by Joser
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I'm super sick, and while I don't need anyone to nurse me back to health but I'd like someone to pick up my tissues and let me be mean to them..
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05-17-2010 09:52 by Joser
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After doing some research, It turns out that not EVERYBODY was kung-fu fighting. It was just this one guy
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05-17-2010 09:51 by Joser
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