Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5912 of 6369
I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it...
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05-19-2010 11:53 by Joser
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My hamster died today. He fell asleep at the wheel...
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05-19-2010 11:52 by Joser
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I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted...
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05-19-2010 11:52 by Joser
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Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
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05-19-2010 11:50 by Joser
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I saw a sign that said "DRINK CANADA DRY" so I moved to Toronto.
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05-19-2010 11:50 by Joser
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don't you just hate it when you think you've bought a mail order bride on a Chinese language website, then realize you've adopted a panda?
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05-19-2010 11:49 by Joser
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Some day Bristol Palin will tell her child "I made $15,000 a speech telling kids how to avoid making a mistake like you!"
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05-19-2010 11:48 by Joser
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When I was a kid, Cheerios only came in one flavor.
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05-19-2010 11:48 by Joser
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The cops came to my house earlier saying that my dog had chased someone on a bike. I said, my dog doesn't have a bike
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05-19-2010 11:24 by illy
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you can pick your friends....you can pick your nose.......but you can't pick your friend's nose!
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05-19-2010 11:19 by one
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....yup....I definately had asparagus last night!!!
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05-19-2010 10:03
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It may be a sign we're winning the war on terror when the Taliban take credit for a guy who tried to make a bomb out of fireworks...
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05-19-2010 08:46
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The unrest in Iran makes me proud to live in a country where corrupt politicians are smart enough to keep rigged elections close...
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05-19-2010 08:44
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(Tweet, Tweet, Tweet, Tweet, Tweet, Tweet)- Theres Always That One Lil Bird That Likes To Hang Right Outside My Bedroom Window At Aprox 5am -(Tweet, Tweet, Tweet, Tweet, Tweet, Tweet)- Like Doesnt He Have a Worm To Go Catch or Maybe a Car To Sh!t On????
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05-19-2010 07:48
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A lie is just a great story somebody ruined with the truth.
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05-19-2010 07:45
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I don't hate the police but I seem to feel better when they're not around.
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05-19-2010 06:15
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♥ uʍop ǝpıısdn pןɹoʍ ʎɯ uɹnʇ noʎ ♥
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05-19-2010 02:38 by RoNNY
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I bet Quagmire has tons of child support to pay.
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05-19-2010 01:35 by Danmanz
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There is a little truth behind every just kidding, a little curiosity behind every just wondering, a little knowledge behind every I dont know, and a little emotion behind every I dont care
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05-19-2010 01:20 by illy
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I don't know what to say, so I'll just say what's in my heart... Baboom, Baboom, Baboom.