Funny Status Messages
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@Guys - If we just met you and we're making out on the dance floor, chances are it wasn't your dance moves that got you this lucky. 
I don't ever see the cup half full....and by "cup" I mean jock-strap.
like a good neighbor state farm is there....with the winning lotto numbers
Whose idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?
If this had been a status update, the Attention Signal you just read would have been followed by official status, news or general BS. This concludes this test of the Emergency I Don't have a Status Update.
when I die my gravestone is going to have a "DisLike" button before facebook does!
Rsvp to friends Event that I wasent invited to Yes facebook I would love to be creepy. Facebook makeing us creepy one Event at a time
Going to drink straight from the carton because I'm a badass!
INSTALLING RAIN FOR TEXAS ████ 44% DONE... please wait. Installation failed. Please try again.404 error:Rain not found. Weather "Rain" cannot be located. The weather you are looking for might have been removed, had its name changed or temp. unavai
Ever wonder why some people wait 'til they're in their cars and stopped at traffic lights to pick their noses?
B*I*T*C*H - Babe In Total Control of Herself
Barbie is going to be so happy. She is getting over the fact that Ken comes in a different box.
When people ask me if I want to stay on their friends list I just send a short message saying "Don't Taze me Bro"
"How to tweet while on the seat" by guess who.
Four years has past and we's not alls rich yet. What in the moonshine happened?
Why are there no professional ball scratchers? On behalf of men everywhere, let me say this... they'd make a fortune.
I love Halloween, it is the one day of the year people don't question my sanity.
Unfortunately for The Donald, he can't fake a Foot injury to get out of this war.
Everyone over here doing the 10 year challenge while metaverse is doing the facial recognition challenge.
don't forget, I'm also just a girl; dressed upas a slutty nurse; standing in front of a boy; dressed up as Donald Trump; asking him to finger bang her in the alley before she sobers up. 