Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   DVD is to VHS as facebook is to myspace

   911: What is your emergency? / Sprint HTC Evo: Hi, I just murdered the iPhone.

   "Push for Power" at the Indy 500? Sounds like Mario Kart on the Wii. How long before Helio throws a little red turtle from his car to wipe out the guy in front of him?

   i would have loved to have a gay dad .. coz all that stuff at school... my dad will beat up ure dad... I would have been able to say .. my dad would shag your dad ... and he would love it

   just turned on cartoon network to watch spongebob squarepants, but the screen was all black........Guessing its oil

   doesnt understand the whole deal about secrets. If you have something that you don't want anyone to know, maybe you shouldn't be doing it in the first place

   With all that weight loss, 50 Cent looks like one of those crazy people from "I Am Legend"

   To all who have worn the uniform of the United States Armed Forces……. from the first shots fired at Lexington in 1775, to the shots still being fired overseas this very day……. I salute you!

   I can't believe people these days. I was at church and the lady next to me lit a cigarette.....I damn near spilled my beer!

   Homeless guy in an Obama shirt asked me for change... thought u'd chuckle at that

   If I ever were to become a scientist, I think my first area of research would be to try to prove my theory that there is a direct correlation between stuttering and 3rd trimester vibrator use.

   just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF... Best Facebook Friend Forever

   Breaking News!!!!! Spongebob Square Pants found Dead in oil patch........

   Solemnly Swears That He/She Is Up To No Good

   Always hold your girlfriend/wife's hand at the mall. If you let it go, she will shop!!.

   Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, auditioning for the circus again.

   heard that coroner's report that Gary Coleman died from a series of Diff'rent Strokes

   wishes his sandwich would look like the damn picture for once.

   coming up with a funny status update is overated.. be content with this one..

   By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.