Funny Status Messages

   I read the rules and decided they are stupid so I will be making my own from now on.

   I took your survey, sent you a round, tended your garden, poked you, hugged you, and sent you 10 useless gifts. It's hard being a Facebook friend.

   I've decided that, instead of being a good example, I'll be a warning.

   Express Lane: Five beers or less.

   If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.

   Make love, not war. Hell, do both, GET MARRIED!

   I have a new philosophy to foster peace and harmony in the universe: GIVE ME WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IT.

   No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her $hit.

   Beauty is only a light switch away.

   cooler than the other side of the pillow! :P

   Burger King and Dairy Queen live in a White Castle, down the street from the Golden Arch and they have a daughter named Wendy.

   at a BP gas station pumping gas.. somebody got to support SMALL businesses!

   Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I'm going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.

   Anything that is not about elephants is irrelphant.

   Just been watching some paralympic basketball. The shooting and passing is pretty crap but the dribbling is amazing.

   I Hate It When I Go To Bed And Forget To Turn My Swag Off.

   You may write me down in history with your bitter, twisted lies... You may trod me in the very dirt... But still, like the dust, I'll rise!

   it fair to say that there'd be less litter in the world if blind people were given pointed sticks?

   Why do men name their penis? They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of their decisions.

   The 186th rule of Fight Club is there is no such thing as a male BFF...!