Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon says if humans have evolved from apes then why are the apes still around
←Rate | 07-30-2009 02:50 by pz | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.
←Rate | 07-30-2009 00:20 by David B | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.
←Rate | 07-30-2009 00:19 by David B | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
←Rate | 07-30-2009 00:18 by David B Comments (0)  


   messageicon grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying.
←Rate | 07-30-2009 00:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
←Rate | 07-30-2009 00:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little window and think, "Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in that."
←Rate | 07-30-2009 00:17 by David B | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you're pretty much dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.
←Rate | 07-30-2009 00:16 by David B | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
←Rate | 07-30-2009 00:15 by David B Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.
←Rate | 07-30-2009 00:14 by David B | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering WHY does Barnes & Noble have all their books on back pain on the bottom shelf? WTF?!
←Rate | 07-29-2009 18:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon using your wifi
←Rate | 07-29-2009 18:14 by Katie Comments (0)  


   messageicon staring at a Orange Juice box coz it says concentrate
←Rate | 07-29-2009 18:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon had a really good day, but today wasn't it.
←Rate | 07-29-2009 17:20 by dazza | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you'll be afraid to cough.
←Rate | 07-29-2009 16:21 by DP Comments (0)  


   messageicon I told his wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked him in the cellar
←Rate | 07-29-2009 15:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon think that if there wasnt a last minute she wouldnt get anything done
←Rate | 07-29-2009 14:41 by andrea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Waiting outside my door for a ice cream truck to passes by ohh wait I hear the music.
←Rate | 07-29-2009 11:44 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon says learning Linux isn't just easy, it's fun, too! Actual shell commands: "unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; umount; sleep"... ahhh the subtle beauty of UNIX.
←Rate | 07-28-2009 16:54 by OneCoolPenguin Comments (0)  


   messageicon arm wrestling the KOOL-AID guy...he's strong! He must be drinking MILK!
←Rate | 07-28-2009 15:18 by Tommy Coziar Comments (0)  


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