Funny Status Messages

   "Before you give somebody a piece of your mind, be sure you can get by with what you have left."

   Never underestimate the power of a woman -- nor overestimate her age and weight.

   LOL = laugh out loud ... or . . . I don't want to talk anymore

   Whatever hits the fan . . . never gets evenly distributed!

   Hell hath no fury like . . . the lawyer of a woman scorned!!

   People took LSD to make the world weird . . . now people take Prozac to make it normal.

   Some people have no trouble making ends meet. Their foot is always in your mouth!

   why the hell are all the hot guys tall, dark and obnoxious?????? :(

   Lets play house. You be the door and I'll slam you.

   Paedophobiais: a fear of children.....I knew there was a name for my condition! :)

   Wishes some people were like Etch-A-Sketch's.. when you shake the sh*t out of them they disappear.

   has an additional sentence that he never wanted to hear in bed: "On Facebook you wrote 17 cm!"

   This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual status update, you would have driven staight 2 Taco Bell & eaten a chalupa.

   Family and friends know the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you've forgotten the words.

   wow just found out Jimmy Dean died! this is gotta be the wurst day ever...

   Fat bottomed girls, You make the rockin' world go round.

   For the Mean girl who cut me off, gave me the finger & rolled down your window just to call me A-hole. Next time you should think before you act. You were pulling into your Driveway. Now you have Egg on your face & your car & your house. =)

   sorry I ignored your text yesterday, but did you really want me to reply to it with "I don't feel like texting you right now" anyway?

   hates when his hand falls asleep, it usually means it's going to be up all night

   If you can get one person to smile then your day was worth while.............