Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5848 of 6370
A bachelor is a man who comes to work each morning from a different direction.
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06-15-2010 10:08
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The best audience is one that is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk."
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06-15-2010 10:07
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"Before you give somebody a piece of your mind, be sure you can get by with what you have left."
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06-15-2010 10:01
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Never underestimate the power of a woman -- nor overestimate her age and weight.
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06-15-2010 09:59
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LOL = laugh out loud ... or . . . I don't want to talk anymore
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06-15-2010 09:55
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Whatever hits the fan . . . never gets evenly distributed!
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06-15-2010 09:52
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Hell hath no fury like . . . the lawyer of a woman scorned!!
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06-15-2010 09:48
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People took LSD to make the world weird . . . now people take Prozac to make it normal.
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06-15-2010 09:46
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Some people have no trouble making ends meet. Their foot is always in your mouth!
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06-15-2010 09:38
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why the hell are all the hot guys tall, dark and obnoxious?????? :(
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06-15-2010 09:36
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Lets play house. You be the door and I'll slam you.
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06-15-2010 09:34
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Paedophobiais: a fear of children.....I knew there was a name for my condition! :)
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06-15-2010 09:29
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Wishes some people were like Etch-A-Sketch's.. when you shake the sh*t out of them they disappear.
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06-15-2010 09:23
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has an additional sentence that he never wanted to hear in bed: "On Facebook you wrote 17 cm!"
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06-15-2010 07:57
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This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual status update, you would have driven staight 2 Taco Bell & eaten a chalupa.
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06-15-2010 05:32 by Aaron
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Family and friends know the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you've forgotten the words.
wow just found out Jimmy Dean died! this is gotta be the wurst day ever...
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06-15-2010 01:22 by geez
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Fat bottomed girls, You make the rockin' world go round.
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06-15-2010 01:22 by The FRED
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For the Mean girl who cut me off, gave me the finger & rolled down your window just to call me A-hole. Next time you should think before you act. You were pulling into your Driveway. Now you have Egg on your face & your car & your house. =)
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06-15-2010 01:17 by The FRED
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sorry I ignored your text yesterday, but did you really want me to reply to it with "I don't feel like texting you right now" anyway?
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06-15-2010 01:06 by some guy
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