Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Bose is a Bengali Stereo type.
←Rate | 03-16-2018 11:46 by SA1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife passed some gas. I told her it was rank. She said to treat it like aroma therapy.
←Rate | 03-16-2018 12:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How long do you think Tomi Lahren will wait to start sending nudes to Donald Trump Jr?
←Rate | 03-16-2018 14:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So many accidents with Hillary. I'm not even sure she still alive, maybe they're just dragging her body like in Weekend at Bernie's
←Rate | 03-16-2018 14:28 by David Comments (0)  

   messageicon [ordering from the dollar menu] me: hi i'll have 7 dollars please
←Rate | 03-16-2018 14:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All I'm saying is grape juice is just underachieving wine.
←Rate | 03-16-2018 15:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I STILL remember grandpa's last words to me. Lighting a match next to the gas pump, he said, "What's this warning label say?"
←Rate | 03-16-2018 17:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I sucked at my job I would want to spend time away from it too and play golf.
←Rate | 03-16-2018 21:46 by 25the45 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I can't wait to see who gets fired next week on Celebrity Appresident.
←Rate | 03-17-2018 00:33 Comments (2)  

   messageicon I just busted three plastic spoons trying to eat an avocado that has a sticker that says "ripe and ready to eat."
←Rate | 03-17-2018 00:50 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Mexican word of the day is Chicken Finger: Jose left his wife and said "Chicken finger herself for now on!!
←Rate | 03-17-2018 10:22 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Plan to change the air in your tires soon. Replace that winter air in your tires for best inflation during summer months. Most mechanics will do this for you for free on April 1st.
←Rate | 03-17-2018 11:04 Comments (1)  

   messageicon “In America, anyone can become president” used to feel like more of a promise and less of a threat.
←Rate | 03-17-2018 12:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nice try "St. Patrick," but I was going to drink anyway. Now...LET'S GET READY TO STUMMMMBLLLLE!
←Rate | 03-17-2018 14:09 by JohnY Comments (0)  

   messageicon My comfort zone is always southern
←Rate | 03-17-2018 14:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whether you order a six-inch or a foot- long, both you and your sandwich artist are thinking about diks for at least a second...
←Rate | 03-17-2018 18:29 by Fadolo Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife could get a job in earthquake prediction. She can find a fault quicker than anyone.
←Rate | 03-17-2018 23:37 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife was going wild in the sack last night. I eventually had to get up and let her out of it.
←Rate | 03-17-2018 23:41 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm in my 60's and a three time a night man. So I need to cut back on the liquids I drink before going to bed.
←Rate | 03-18-2018 00:04 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I start wearing an earring when my wife found it in our bed.
←Rate | 03-18-2018 00:12 by Jake Comments (0)  

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