Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5821 of 6370
hoping that "number six" is the charm. Have another Slim Jim, Mr. Cheney!
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06-27-2010 00:38
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not say that my ex-wife is psychotic but Freddy Kruger asked me to hide the sleeping pills.
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06-27-2010 00:03
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Every illegal immigrant we catch here...We should harvest their stem cells, organs, bone marrow, bones,skin,and Eyes...Bet they won't be so froggy to jump the boarder when they see a guy with a dialysis machine standing there saying I want his kidneys!!!!
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06-26-2010 23:37
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I wonder if Toyota sent BP a Thank You note
Dear Walmart: If your employees "appear" to be incredibly overweight, they ought to know that fitting in to a size 2 gives the wrong impression of your organization. I do not enjoy viewing what looks like to be a belly button when I approach an employee.
Do you wanna know how Interesting Soccer is to the Average American? Let's See, I'll name the two soccer players I've ever heard of.. David Beckham and.. I think Rod Stewart Played years ago."
Pessimists see the Glass as Half Empty, Optmisits as Half Full. Rationals see the Glass as two times bigger than necessary.
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06-26-2010 20:50
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celebrated Michael Jackson's Anniversary by taking the kids to Toy R Us...he woulda liked that...
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06-26-2010 20:37 by heZz
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I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
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06-26-2010 20:25 by paulb808
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Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR,
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06-26-2010 20:24 by paulb808
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Have a status,leave one..need a status take one!
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06-26-2010 19:42 by Gr\'apes
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why were the uruguayains yellow carded so much in the match against korea , coz they kept running over the parks
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06-26-2010 19:38 by pz
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no wonder the yanks have their own so called "american football" coz they don't know how to play the real football..
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06-26-2010 19:31 by pz
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the yanks crashed out of the world cup coz they weren't allowed to use their hands...
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06-26-2010 19:28 by pz
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Sorry U.S. Football/Futball/Soccer team. You just weren't "Ghana" win.
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06-26-2010 17:21 by Tracy
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You see in America, Soccer is usually a game for kids who are too small or too untalented to play baseball or football. I mean, hell, even HogWild played Little League baseball so that should tell something about the talent pool of kids left over to play
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06-26-2010 17:17
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I think that someday we'll look back on all of this and blame someone else.
I LOVE it when people are overly sarcastic. No, really, it's great! Thanks a bunch!
If I have to endure another day where Facebook doesn't work and is constantly disappointing me, I might have to start dating it.
I'm wondering why life keeps teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn...